No, don't and stop!

Like a kid

2011-11-16T19:32:00.001-08:00

If there's one thing I hear from a lot of people it's that they wish they could be a kid again. Everyone misses their child hood in some way shape or form, they miss the lightheartedness of it, the lack of worry, stress, and heaviness of the responsibility that adulthood brings. Everything is just so simple when you're a kid. Life is imagination, make believe, cartoons, running around, playing princess/cops and robbers, getting dirty and not caring, climbing trees, the list could go on....you can be anything, do anything, pretend everything. The world is HUGE and amazing and new. The possibilities are literally endless. You could change your mind everyday on the subject of "what you want to be when you grow up". A fire fighter? A princess? A pilot? Maybe a mom or a dad? The president of the united states? SURE! And at that age NO ONE can stop you. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Kids are amazing, and if you take the time to watch them, you'll realize how much you really have to learn from a kid. You might be reading this and thinking to yourself, "What could I possibly learn from a kid? I've been there, I've lived my life." Truth is there is SO much. I feel like as adults we loose the ability to be excited over the frivolous things, or to look at something in complete and utter wonder, to make decisions based solely on what WE want, to live completely in the moment...we loose the ability to be FREE. I know, I know....Life is stressful. There are bills to pay, jobs to work, deadlines to meet, people to please... you know, big important "adult things" to do. But whens the last time you got legitimately HAPPY over candy? Or rolled down a grass hill and didn't give a rats rear about grass stains? Or actually kind of wanted to admit that you wish you could believe in Santa again....or maybe even admit that there's a little piece of your heart that still does.....

Try seeing things from the eyes of a child....get excited....maybe let out a little squeal over ice cream...jump up and down when your excited....slide down a slide....climb a tree....walk up to someone and ask them to be your friend, you might get shut down because society teaches you to watch out for people, but shooooot who cares! If you have a child, make believe with them....the black squares are lava and the white ones are safe! I know you know what I'm talking about....it's really amazing how much of a kid you STILL are, and how much you work to repress it. God forbid you NOT be what you're expected to be at the age you're expected to be it. I have a secret for you....it doesn't matter. When it all comes down to it, your job, your money, your car, your bills, NONE of it REALLY matters. I'm not by any means telling you to quit your job, stop paying your bills, drive your car off a cliff or throw away your money, but what I am telling you to do is treat it like a kid. Stop worrying and putting more lines on your face, stop obsessing over making that phone call, writing that email, impressing that boss, making that meeting, and start getting excited over life.

It's funny how we spend our whole lives trying to and being told to GROW UP.... it's all you can do to just GET BIGGER. Puberty hits and If your a guy you want muscles and facial hair...for a girl you want boobs and curves. You want to be an adult, treated like and adult, to do adult things. You get to middle school, then high school, and at that point all you can think about its being 16 so you can drive, then being 18 so you can buy porn or cigarettes and vote. Then it's all about being 21 so you can drink, party and go to clubs. Then it's college and getting that perfect job, so you can make perfect money and be perfectly stressed out about doing more perfectly adult things. And then....you wish you could have a time machine to go back and do it all over again.

Unfortunately that's not possible, BUT, You can still take the time to run, play, tickle, laugh uncontrollably over a fart or a burp, put holes in your jeans, lick ice cream so slowly that it melts, pour an entire bag of pop rocks in your mouth and giggle while they tickle your tongue, poke the brown sugar at the store, stick a quarter in a gumball machine, ride a bike with out hands, play tag/hide and seek/heads up 7 up, run through the sprinklers, play super Nintendo til your fingers go numb...and this is just to name a few. And the next time you meet a kid, remember to act like him or her a little bit. Let your inner kiddo out. Life is to short not to.

Do what inspires you and be happy.

2011-10-30T23:04:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing I'm not short on it's ways to be inspired. Those moments when I see or hear something, or meet someone that gives me that heart pounding, idea creating, smile inducing, want to shout from the roof tops moment. A lot of the time I feel as though I live off of these moments. You know the ones... when you see that something somewhere and you're like "Holy Crap, it all makes sense!" The moments where something clicks in your head and you just HAVE to do something with your new found inspiration, And If you don't have inspiration, it's a must do to to find it. For me, it could be anything from a song, a quote, a smile from a stranger, God, my son, a beautiful ocean scene or a sunset, the list could go on.

Find your happy thought(s) and think them daily. Keep adding to your "happy thought repertoire" everyday. Meditate on them, live them and believe them. You owe it to yourself to feel nothing but stunning everyday. After a while with all these happy thoughts and inspirational moments, the negativity in your life begins to disappear. Positive thoughts are just so wonderfully, deliciously huge and powerful that they beat negative thoughts up like Chuck Norris would beat a bad guy (and we all know how much of a bad a** Chuck Norris is) But you really have to focus on it. Wake up EVERY morning being thankful you have a new day to live, and that right there folks should be your very first inspiring happy thought for the day! After that it's really up to you to be aware of the thoughts you're thinking and stop those negative thoughts dead in their tracks and send 'em packin'. Those inspiration killers have no place to be setting up camp on your dome.

Next step is to act upon your inspirations. Say for example you meet someone who's amazingly in shape, you see them happy, healthy and lookin' good. You're inspired suddenly to go to the gym. DO IT. Don't let your inspiration slip through your fingers. (this was a poor example, but your get the idea) It could be anything, but the one thing that's EVERYTHING is acting upon your inspiration. It's a GIFT, not a coincidence. There are NO coincidences. God puts these moments directly into your path, wrapped up in glittery paper and bows, perfectly catered to you and your soul. Soon, you'll start to realize how inspiration leads you to your happy place. And keeps you there.

I started to realize quickly how inspirational could be to to people, and how through being legitimately happy every minute I possible can, rubs off on every person I come across, whether they like it or not. I get asked "WHY are you so happy!? It's a new guy isn't it!?" (ha! I wish. But even still there's no person but myself that can give me the happiness I want) No. "I just AM. I CHOSE IT. Every day." Is my usual response. And thus, the seed is planted. They want in on the happiness, and good thing there's plenty to go around. (Infinite amounts to be specific) People who know me, know that "bad days" are few and far between, and if my entire day is going badly, my "choice-o-meter" is broken. Because it's absolutely a choice to have a bad day. I know it's a hard thing to swallow, but I speak the truth. You have a choice as to how you react to the happenings in your day, and how your react will have an effect on how your day continues.

One way I started to continue inspiring myself and help me create amazing days for myself was inspiring though trying to help others be inspired. I started an "inspiration board" at work. Just a small coffee cup shaped black board that I write little messages on for my customers to read. There's a new one, carefully and lovingly picked each and every week. After a while I had people taking pictures of them, asking who put them there, telling me they were going text/email it to a loved one, or hollering to their friend "Hey come check this out!". My regulars all know where to look for their weekly inspiration and they look forward to it. Such a simple concept, and so amazingly effective for both sides. Who knows how many hearts have been inspired for people who might have walked into the store in a slump or a bad mood... maybe feeling brokenhearted or hopeless...read my sign, felt like it was meant for them and then in turn left in a different and inspired mood. Then, they go and spread their happiness with just ONE person, and that person goes and shares it with another, so on and so forth.

It's a domino effect that makes my heart explode with joy... literally has the tendency to almost bring me to tears sometimes.... And that my friends is what inspiration is made of.

The road to inner peace

2011-03-22T18:43:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in front of the ocean after a heavy rainstorm, wave after wave come rolling in, pounding the small cove covered with rocks and tide pools. I've seen this cove many a time looking amazing....the water sparkling like a thousand diamonds, pelicans floating on the breeze, children gathering small treasures along the shore break, even the occasional sea lion basking on the largest rock that juts out of the water... But now, even though tall cliffs surround and seemingly protect this little cove, it's being battered.

As I take in my surroundings, the cool briny air filling my nose, the water dark and choppy, I can't help but think that this is the exact way I feel inside sometimes. I can imagine the little tide pool creatures clinging to the rocks as the powerful waves rip through pristine little environments.

"Nothing gold ever stays".

Like the tide pool creatures, I feel as though the calm in my life is fleeting. I cling to the "rocks" of happiness because it's all that I can do when the storms of my life come rolling back in. The only redeeming parts of this process are the chances I receive to start over after the storms. The tide pools, literally and figuratively, are erased...a clean slate of sorts. The creatures come out of survival mode, release their death grip from the rocks and begin to rebuild. Much like I do. I long for, cling on for, and wait anxiously for the PEACE I need so badly after these storms. The longer they last, the more insane I feel. It's a certain desperation that comes over me at times. It's the feeling of screaming inside of myself for someone to help me, and not wanting to let the outwardly, insanely (sometimes overly) cheerful facade to shatter, only to reveal to the people around me that I am indeed a crazy person (I'm using the word "crazy" loosely here). I don't feel allowed the luxury of going nuts. It would be much easier to let myself sink. But it's not an option.

I HAVE to suck it up and find a way to somehow survive. For my son. One of the only reasons. THE reason. Otherwise I'd be in trouble. It's up to me to pull it together and reinvent myself each time I fall apart. I fix myself when I'm broken. Imagine taping together a broken piece of glass... enough times taping it back together and it just doesn't work anymore. You get to the point where you McGuyvere yourself together. You find random ways to just make it work. It's all a part of survival and acceptance of who you are. "This is who I am, and this is the situation I am in."

I'm finding that I don't believe inner peace is something of permanence in the way of always being the same. To me inner peace changes by experience, time, and the outside factors in your life. It's a constant and ever changing mission. The inner peace I was seeking 4 years ago is far different than the inner peace I desire NOW. I am no longer the same person I was then....as a matter of fact I might even change a little more over night. I am on a constant path to self discovery and inner peace...a road with no end. But will I ever find it? The turmoil I feel sometimes, combined with the helplessness and insecurity is overwhelming, but like I said....giving up is not an option, no matter how much I want to.

      This last storm I've endured is on it's way out for the most part in certain ways. I survived by the skin of my teeth. This one, is one I will be learning from and referencing for a long time to come. The waves may not be pounding as hard as they were, but the aftermath was a mess. I've some how managed to find my smile (and I will be wearing it) and put the weight of it all in it's place. I am a stronger person than I was before, even if the ways in which I am aren't clear yet. And there is always HOPE and FAITH. Hope for a better day and faith that I will have the wits about me to be able to get though the bad ones with my inner self and integrity intact. After all, there is a lot of road left to travel, more inner peace to search for and a lot of good that comes with reinvention and rearranging.....

The Kickboxing Class

2010-09-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

I did a kick boxing class. Whoopdeedoo right? The thing is that I wasn't expecting to do it. I happen to know someone who works at L.A. Boxing. A week ago (more like a month at this point) I went to say "Hi" and check the place out. You know, just be an innocent bystander. Watch and not actually DO. I went in my gym clothes with the intention of leaving there and going to my gym to do the usual work out. I was not expecting my friend to hand me a pair of boxing gloves and show me to a 150 pound punching bag.

Me: I'm not doing this.

Him: Yes you are.

Me: No, seriously. (Trying to muster up a brilliant excuse) My friend is meeting me at my gym soon! (now I've got him! muahaha)

Him: Oh......well call your friend and tell her you can't make it! You're doing this.

Me: (desperate now) But I'm not in shape enough for this! Do I look in shape enough for this?? (No. no no no no no....I'm not ready!)

Him: Yup you do. (pointing at a girl who was very over weight and there for her first time) Do you think SHE'S in shape enough for this, it's her first time and she's doing it.

I had no rebuttal...he'd beat me at my procrastination game. I'd given in. Practically pushed into getting my butt voluntarily whooped. He then let me in on the fact that the instructor that was going to be teaching my class was notorious for being the toughest. That's just SUPER. In my head I was freaking out. I was sure to meet my doom. He wrapped my hands, introduced me to the ~~devil spawn~~ instructor, told me if I started to feel light headed or anything to stop, get some water and jump back in. Light headed?????? Should I be signing a waiver or something?

Right off the bat we were jogging/sprinting, doing push ups, lunges, jump squats....you know, the devil spawn stuff...That was the warm up. I was more like tore up. Turns out they have shirts that read "Your work out is our warm up". I can vouch for that! To my dismay the class did get harder and more intense. I rather clumsily "two left feeted" my way through and slowly learned the proper way to right hook, knee, upper cut, kick and jab my punching bag into submission, all while music blasted me through the work out.

At some points I honest to god thought that I was going to die...or puke. I had to stop a couple times for a minute or two to catch my breath...which didn't even seem like it was mine anymore. Every once in a while I'd hear "Craig" the ~~devil spawn~~ instructor yell "Do you hate me yet?! Too slow. Start over! Sprint! Jog! Jump squat!" He finished the trip to hell with a wall squat, that made my legs shake, but I'll be damned I finished it and I wasn't dead, nor did I puke. I DID IT. Not with flying colors, but I finished it down to the last second.

Now the REAL significance of this is that I conquered my fears....Of being laughed at, looking stupid, looking fat/awkward/falling on my face....the list could go on....it was so much more than a question of being "not in shape enough". I came out feeling more confident, more in shape than I thought I was but also learned what I need to work on as well as feeling stronger for pushing through the pain and getting through the class semi unscathed.* I actually THANKED the instructor.

This experience made me think about how many times I've let the fear of failing, being rejected, looking stupid Etc. etc. deter me from doing what I really wanted. From tackling life's 150 pound punching bags. It's natural to have fear...as a matter or fact you should have some amount of fear in some situations...but in others it's all about how you handle it. How you overcome it, and rock the socks off of what ever situation it may be. Sometimes you have to just keeping pushing and pushing yourself through until you get to your goal...or as Michael Jackson was say "Don't stop til you get enough"!

*The semi unscathed part does not include the almost week after the class that I literally was crippled with soreness....even the bottoms of my feet. Yup. Apparently you have muscles in the bottom of your feet, that need some toning.

** And you know I look like a bad mutha trucka with my Lightening Mc Queen and Mater tatoos in that picture....oh yeah, I'm tough!

For one more day

2010-08-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought about people passed and if they're still with you? Still around making sure you're ok...that they could be in that cold chill, the goosebumps on the back of your neck, maybe a smell that couldn't possibly come from anywhere in your house, a breeze through your hair when they're crossing your mind or even that time when you see someone on the street, and for a split second their smile matches your loved one's and you could have SWORN it was them.

I believe that there are a lot of people "with" me. Each person impacted me in some way, some may not have even known they impacted me at all or how much. They are in my dreams, sometimes the sparkle in a stranger's eye, or like I said, in a sudden gust of a warm breeze over my neck, seemingly whispering to me. Always when their smiles or a memory pass through my mind.

Recently it's been a lot more frequent, having an out of the blue thought of my Uncle Mike who passed when I was a young girl, the smile that matches my mom's and my own burned into my memory. Visions of my papa sitting at his spot at the head of the table, or standing over his famous spaghetti sauce. My Grampa Jones in his lazy boy, faded navy tattoos, his lap just begging to be jumped on for a cuddle. My friend Nick Zambeck, making me laugh, helping me through hard times he didn't even know I was going through. These memories I've been having so often, sometimes bring tears to my eyes, and make my heart ache in missing them and their precious hearts so much, but mostly I smile in remembrance, and take comfort in the fact that I know I'm being "hugged" when I feel like I'm alone, that my hand is being held through tough times, in knowing I'm making my Grandpa, Uncle and Friend proud and that in the moments they're crossing my mind, they're right there with me.

It's so important to cherish these memories, and to keep their memories alive. Each of these people, are one's who in whatever way molded me to be part of who I am today, they taught me something, or many things, were part of my life, my dreams, my heart and soul.

Part of my inspiration to write this post, came from the book 'For One More Day' by Mitch Albom, the book is somewhat based on the same idea that your loved ones visit you when you're thinking of them. The man in the book, gets one more day with his mother who passed without his getting to say good bye, and gets to tell her the things he wished he could have. There are so so many times I've wondered what it would be like to have a passed loved one for one more day, for one more hug, for one more laugh, for one more I love you.

Life is so precious, and so short, and so very fragile... make sure you're loving the people in your life, and letting them KNOW you love them as much as possible.You never know when you might be wishing for one more day!

Encouragement

2010-07-09T23:12:00.000-07:00

I have days where everything is just too much, when every bill isn't paid, money is short and stress is ~~high~~ Shooting through the roof, and I'm crying first thing in the morning, because sleep is the temporary magic eraser of all troubles. You're either going to wake up feeling better, Having "slept on it", or you wake up in a panic because the first things on your sleep clouded mind are the said troubles. The second scenario best describes me this morning. I had no coffee. I slept too much. Yes, TOO much...11 hours... and woke up groggy... (and pretty much stayed that way) Cried before putting my makeup on... I allowed my self a few minutes...gave myself a pep talk...sucked it up and adjusted my tude (or I tried, It was not fully effective until I drank a large Chocolate Macadamia Nut coffee with a double shot of espresso, a splash of vanilla creamer a splash of not fat and 4 splendas......yup. Coffee snob. At least I make it myself!) And I worked. But I don't know who I was trying to fool, but I was still a wee smidgen grumpy, a little impatient...possibly snappy...but just a little....

I don't like being a in a bad mood... I try to adjust my attitude every day, and put a smile on my face, I can't control what happens through out the day, but I can control my attitude towards the situations that come my way. It's a new trick I learned, and it's made my life much easier all around. And by being positive, I rub off on other people. By smiling at people, and being genuinely happy to talk to them, you spread the positivity to them. It sounds cheesy, but tell you me it works. I don't know about you, but I want someone to make my day with a smile, or some fun small talk, or maybe even a HUG... lord knows I love hugs from anyone, I'll even hug someone I've just met! (hugs are good. Hugs heal, and make you feel warm!) Some times a big smile and a big "Have a GREAT day!!" is all the encouragement someone may need... This day was one of the days, I was needing encouragement and an extra smile... life was too much for a little while and I needed to be reeled back in. Perspective came in a surprising form.

I had a group of customers, two women, and a younger man, who was wearing some kind of heavy brace around his lower back, and had to walk holding a "walker". He seemed like he had been in an accident of some kind, so young and so dehabilitated, I respected him for what he was going through. One of the women with his was his Grandmother, she had come back in and I stopped her and for what ever reason I asked how he had injured himself. His name was Steven and he has severe arthritis in his back and just had major surgery to help. She mentioned something about concrete being put in his spine, and screws... and It had been 4 weeks since his surgery and he still needed a walker. He was only 32!! He had a great attitude, and you could tell he was just trying so hard to get better, you could see the drive. I felt so compelled to just go tell him he was doing great, and to not give up. His grandmother also told me he had been very active at one point... I knew deep down that he had to be frustrated. So out I went, I started by telling him how nosey I was, and that I had asked about him... and that I wanted to encourage him. He seemed shocked at first, I'm thinking not many people walk up to him and say "I want to encourage you". But that's why it can be powerful. He'll remember that moment, or I really hope he will.

The thing is, by encouraging Steven , I was encouraged. Does that make sense? By seeing what he has to go through on a daily basis just to walk, humbled me. Things could always be worse! The going gets tough and it's sometimes easy to say "I'll never be able to do ___", "I can't do ___", "How will I ever get through___" Fill in the blanks. Occasionally it can be hard to see things clearly when you're not seeing things clearly. (yes I really said that) I can't imagine losing my mobility, for any amount of time. I should be looking at the things I HAVE not the things I don't. There has to be a positive in the situation...I might not see it now, but I will learn something from this hard time. Steven has to try 2 gazillion x harder every day to live his life and not let his situation consume him. If he can do it, then I can do it. Steven was an inspiration to me, and even in the worst days you can find something good if you just reach out and try! A special person once told me "Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional". You can choose to wallow in your issues and let your problems consume you and be MISERABLE, or you can pop a smile on that face and be happy for another day!

The update

2010-07-04T01:36:00.000-07:00

Things here at the "No, Don't and stop residence have been somewhat similar to what they normally are, Trevor is just growing, and changing, and becoming more and more bright and amazing as each day passes...Him being in a Pre-School environment has changed him so much. It's like he's a little flower being watered each day that he's there, and he just keeps growing and becoming more beautiful. He's so smart it amazes me, not sometimes, but all the time. He is just so special, and so the light of my life...I love talking to him, and listening to him talk about the things he's learning. I love picking him up from school and hearing him say good bye to all of his buddies each by name, I love his beautiful masterpieces that he slaved over with water based paint...he specializes in abstract art and has become quite skilled in feather and macaroni gluing. I love everything about it! He is getting so darned big, and I demand a giant "pause" button!

As for myself....the work shenanigans continue as normal, getting busier daily, as tourist season encroaches. I've been going to Angels games pretty much every week, which is funny considering I hadn't been to any sort of ball game since the Padres game in, ohhhhhh I think 2000? 1999? Hell, it was a LONG time ago. And I considered myself, one of those people who "doesn't do sports" WELLLLL I was wrong... I love the games, and the atmosphere is amazing. So that's been great!

The biggest news was winning a scholarship to Kandee Johnson's Glaminar. For those of you who read my blog regularly, kandee Johnson is my idol. I look up to her so much, and have been continually inspired by her, she's touched my heart in so many ways, and continues to do so. On June 12th she wrote this blog post, saying she was giving away a scholarship to her Pasadena Glaminar... I have been wanting to go to one of these things foreverrrrrrrr. But I could never do it. I told myself, "get over it, you can't afford it" The same thing I would tell myself every time I thought of being a make-up artist. But when I read that post, I wrote to her immediately, I figured the chances were slim, but what's the worst that could happen? There was a HUGE response, and she wound up picking 41 people, because she couldn't just pick one. (the girl's got a HUGE heart!) I WAS ONE OF THE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Words could never describe how I felt when I saw the email from her, and in the subject box was "You're a winner!" I was given such an amazing opportunity and it was such a blessing to be hand picked out of SO many entries....there were hundreds and hudreds!

This honestly changed my life...I have always had a love for makeup, but just considered the idea of it something that would just be one of those things I'd always wish and dream I could do, but it wouldn't ever happen. I learned so much from her, and was so inspired and pumped after this. It was so much more than just makeup classes. It was a boost up, someone standing behind me telling me "YOU CAN DO THIS and I'm going to get you started" I have become SO on fire passionate about this, more passionate than I have ever been about anything I've wanted to do. So now, I'm in pursuit of a dream. A dream which will be fufilled. I won't stop untill I reach it (which I will)!

And gosh, on top of everything I met and made friendships with so many amazing girls along the way!!! One of the other winners started a group on Facebook and we all got to know each other as we waited for the Glaminar day to come! It was a blessing all around!! It's to wonderful to be amongst a group of such fantastic and talented girls, we're going through the journey together, and the comradery has just meant the world to me! And I could go one for hours about Kandee....she's beautiful (inside and out) and is one of the most wonderful souls I've had the pleasure of coming across... I felt like an idiot meeting her cause all I could say was "thank you!" I was literally speechless, and dumb founded. So thus starts my makeup journey!!!

And now for pictures to go along with the post!

Trevors hair "on end" for crazy hair day!

My ball game buddy Sean, and I at the last game

My little moment in the sun... Kandee and I!!

Glaminar!!!!!!

The sweet little cuppy cakes she had for us

Getting ready to teach and inspire!

Some of my AMAZING new bff's

My wing man for the day Brittnie...the day

would not have been the same w/o her!!!

One of the only 2 guys there, and a fellow

scholarship winner Matt

Me with the lovely Starla (her boyfriend proposed to her

while she was on stage for a tutorial on bridal makeup!)

The day was one I will NEVER forget!!

And in the words of Kandee......

remember:
you're more beautiful than you know,
more talented than you think,
and more LOVED than you can IMAGINE!!!

What does life expect of me?

2010-06-23T00:46:00.000-07:00

It's been a while... 2 weeks actually. I had intended to write this blog post a while ago... but due to lack of inspiration, or fervor for writing, it took the back seat til' now. We had a guest speaker at church a couple Sundays ago that really impacted me. His name was Hyatt Moore, who as well as being an awesome speaker is an amazing artist. (check him out!) This man honestly had me captivated, and I'd LOVE to pick his brain. I really enjoy being inspired, and having someone challenge my ever thinking brain with something I have never mulled over before. And that is precisely what he did...with one question. What does life expect of ME? I've never thought of it that way. I mean, I know I've spent so much time thinking about what I expect from life. I might even expect TOO much from life.

By definition the word "expect" means "To look forward to the probable occurrence or appearance of ___" (fill in the blank) Personally, I've done nothing but expect things from life and I've noticed unfortunately, that with some expectations come disappointment. I expect things to go a certain way and they don't, I expect things from people and I don't get them. I expect expect expect. But the thing is, why expect when you don't really have control over alot of the events that happen in your life? Where do expectations come from? Who sets the bar for these expectations?

But when you turn the question around, it's a whole new ball game. What does the life I've been given expect of ME? It's honestly a tough question. Think about it. If "life" were a person, and was able to express how they thought you should be or do, what would life want? I've thought a great deal about this, and actually wrote down a few things while I was listening to mister Hyatt speak, and then continued my list which I'll be sharing!

Be a good, no scratch that, GREAT, understanding, supportive, and loving mother to my son
Actively be a friend to everyone. Offer a smile and an open heart when needed or when not.
To LOVE. People, myself, and LIFE.
To DO something proactive to make a difference in mine and others' lives
Be a good employee
Always treat knowledge as a gift.... Its free after all!
Be a caring daughter/sister/grand-daughter/niece
Spread smiles to people when they don't have one
Try to always be a person of integrity
Laugh!
Be thankful for every single gift I am given (not only in the material form)
Constantly have a relationship with god

Now it's YOUR turn. I'd love to hear what you came up with!

Undateable

2010-06-07T19:52:00.000-07:00

I was reading the June issue of 'Red Book' while on the bike at the gym, As I flipped to page 170, in the "Down time" Section, I spotted "From the Ha! Files" which showed a book called 'Undateable'-- It's the 311 things guys do to guarantee they won't be dating or having sex...By Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle. They give 4 examples from the book of things guys do (which I'll tell you in a bit) And I honestly almost fell off the bike laughing; Because they're SO true. I think the 40 something fellow gym rat next to me thought I was crazy, 'cause he was looking at me like I had just ripped one or something...anyhoo... I was inspired to do my own, shorter list, of things that personally, make a guy Undateable". If you're one of my few male readers I hope you won't take this too seriously if you so happen to fall under one of the items on my list. The first four with the stars next to them are the one's my magazine gave.

*1. No "Jorts." The jort is a cross between a pair of jeans and a pair of shorts. They come in a wide variety of styles and lengths, all of which are hideous in any circumstance.

*2. No Fanny packs. There is never an excuse for a fanny pack

*3. No "mandles" with socks. That would be a man sandal worn with socks. You jump to maximum penalty status if you're caught wearing mandles with black socks.

*4. No pleated front pants/shorts. There is no way extra fabric gathered about the waist is helping your cause.

5. No bad hygiene. This includes but is not limited to, B.O, dirty teeth/fingernails/toes/nether regions. Or in other words, brush yo breff and try to make sure you're so fresh and so clean clean. Deodarant works wonders.

6. No being a Dungeons & Dragons/World of War Craft addict. The playing doesn't bother me, it's the rotting on one spot, "building your empire" for 3 days, that does. Refer to #5 for help with this one.

7. No poorly maintained facial hair. Love all different types of face fuzz if worn properly. However, I do not appreciate a forest on your face and being able to smell your last meal on your upper lip... please also refer to #5.

8. No Too-short shorts. Meaning to your knee caps, and just about mid calf only. Please refrain otherwise--even more so if you have a man short tan (butt white starting mid thigh) cover that up, with shorts that fit properly of course.

9. No sporting monster nose/ear fuzz. If it can be seen sticking out, please take care of it. No one like a nose Caterpillar.

10. No being "prettier" than me. Frosted tips/MANicures/facials etc. Men should take care of themselves, but there's a line, and frosted tips crosses it. Be at lease a little rugged.

11. No being a sloppy mess. Take at least a little pride in your appearance. A green shirt with holes, too short man shorts, and "mandals" with socks is tore up from the floor up.

12. No "braggy Bobin" it. It does not impress anyone how many reps you did at the gym, or how many inches your truck is lifted, what speakers you have, how many chicks you get, how much money you make, how many beers you drank Etc. Etc. So on and Soooo forth. When will you learn that NONE of that really matters?!

13. No drinking more than you can handle and acting like an idiot afterward. We all know this happens to everyone sooner or later, but you learn from it, not do it over and over. I do not want to be with someone I have to drag home from the bar smelling like spilled beer and puke.

14. No treating people badly. An impolite man is most definitely someone I don't want to have relations with. I'm not talking "Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and I'm grumpy rudeness". I'm talking USE your please and thank you's, open doors for people (men AND women of course), let that person waiting in while you're on the road if you can, be a good tipper when deserved and be polite to the server. Just general ettiquite is all I ask for. You loose extra brownie points if you're caught chewing with your mouth open.

15. No disrespecting your mama. She busted her ass raising you-- gotta show respect. (certain situations may make this one void) I'm not talking be a mama's boy and have her do laundry for you still, but be close and treat her right.

I don't want to go toooo crazy with this...just for fun... I also do not take credit for the "Undateable" idea...this was just my personal list. Hope you enjoyed!

P.s. There's an actual "Undateable" website....pretty funny. And make sure you watch the video!!!

Getting to know YOU and a monumental moment!

2010-06-06T10:11:00.000-07:00

1. If a person has a booger in their nose. and you can see it, do you tell them?

I honestly had a hard time not giggling while I was reading this question.... Im one of those that thinks words like "boogers" are funny.... and back to my answer.... heck yeah. Well that could actually be a heck nah, if the person is someone I REALLLY don't know at all or if they have what I call "the wall". A person who has "the wall" is someone you might not want to try to engage in light small talk with... such as "Hey dude...just so you know you got a lil' somthin' there, yeah...your nose...nope lil to the left...allllllmost.....yup, ok you got it"

2. What are you passionate about?

Sooooo much! I try to be passionate about everything. I'm very emotionally invested in almost everything I do. To name a few, music, church, my son, friends, love, loving people, being happy the list could go lon and on!

3. How long have you been blogging?

Lets see 8.10.08 is as far as my archives go... but I have not be ACTIVELY blogging since then....

4. What is your favorite "summer" drink?

Hands down a Corona with Lime and salt

5. What is your favorite type of music?

Classic rock or country...but my tastes vary

6. Something I do before I go to bed is......?

Secure my hair and wash my face

7. My Summer vacation plans are...?

Vacation??? what vacation?? I plan on working, and spending time outside with my lil man!

8. My favorite must have, can't live without, beauty product is?

M.A.C Studio fix in NW20

And now for the real icing on the cake! I have reached my 100th follower! I have been waiting for this moment for so long!! Blogging away, and hoping that I'm reaching somebody with my words, days and days of pouring out my heart, and sharing my life with you all. I mean when you get down to the real nitty gritty my followers are essentially who I do this for ( in part) Thank you for all the support, laughs and kind words you've written me. I've had the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people through blogging, and you guys are so much a part of my daily life!!! And in case you were curious Jenny from The Yankovich 6 Pack was my 100th follower!!!!! Wish I had a prize for you, but maybe you'll accept my sparkling personality as a substitute ;)

And now for a little song... and only because I said "nitty gritty" up there... this goes to show you how my mind works...I say two words and the second I do I'm off and running on something else...ay.

here you go Fishin' in the dark By The nitty gritty dirty band...enjoy!!

Remember me?

2010-06-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

I'm the writer of this blog...you know, the one who's actually supposed to WRITE stuff. The one who hasn't been writing stuff. It's been I wouldn't say crazy lately, but maybe semi crazy? An adjustment period? With Trevor starting his little Pre school, and my working more my time seems more limited. Right now is kinda the first time I've actually sat down and really focused on anything blog wise. Poor little neglected blog. I'm listening to some Crosby, Stills and Nash and being mellow for a while. Just me and bloggy.

I definitely have to dedicate todays post to thanking The Drama Mama over at The Scoop on Poop for the Beautiful Blogger award.... Honestly nothing makes my day more! And another little something to mention is that I'm ONE follower from 100!! This is totally momentous to me! I digress. I've said this about Drama Mama before, and I'll say it again. You really just HAVE to go read. Just go indulge yourself already!

According to the rules of this award I have to pass this along to 10 super dooper

bloggers and tell you all 10 things you don't know about me.

1. I jump the gun. I'm impulsive. "prone to sudden illogical changes of mind, ideas, or actions"

2. I love me an ice cold Corona with a Lime and salt...deeeeeelishisssss!!

3. I'm a little on the socially awkward side...I always feel odd, for lack of better words

in a group of people I don't know. I gotta really be comfortable around people to

totally be myself....we're working on it.

4. I was going to be Aaron... I was so big my mom though I was going to be a boy.

If I was a boy my name would be Aaron...."Hi, my name is Aaron" That's just weird.

5. I am obsessive compulsive at time with my hand writing... its gotta be perfect. I've

been known to write and re write things for quite some time now.

6. I am a gum fiend

7. I worry about everything. I worry about worrying... what can I say? I just worry.

8. I'm starting to believe in "fate"

9. Approach with caution if I have not had my cuppa Joe

10. I sleep through earth quakes

And now on to the deserving recipients of the award

Flip Flops and Combat Boots

If you read my posts regularly, you may or may not notice that I give awards out to some of the same people every time...That's cause they're the BOMB. And because I'm a creature of habit...habitually. Hope you all have a ~~good great~~ ~~wonderful~~ SUPER-FANTASTIC DAY!!!

It's Like a Fungus

2010-05-30T09:25:00.000-07:00

My cell phone.....which died yesterday afternoon, and stayed dead the WHOLE day, night, and now will be dead for most of the morning and possibly early afternoon, I've realized is like a a friggen growth. A fungus if you will... always attached to me... as if my life will certainly depend on what ever phone call or text I will just so happen to get. I was forced to not used my phone yesterday because I had forgotten my charger at work, and even though I had been at work eating yesterday with Trevor, I got home looking to charge my phone and only THEN did I realize where I had left it. I panicked at first...thinking "Oh my gawwwwwd what if there's an emergency!!?? What will I EVER do with out my cell phone?!" I contemplated driving to go get it....wasting an 1/5 of a tank of gas, and sitting in Southern California Pre Memorial Day traffic for 30 minutes and 12 miles just so I could have my texting back....not to say that my phone even RINGS half the time!

I plopped down in front of my other fungi.....my computer...and tried to forget the onslaught of calls and text messages I would be receiving while my phone was dead...I realize that I have more fungi than I thought....what on earth would I do with out my computer? I shudder. Such an utter tragedy should never even be thought about. I would surely DIE with out my computer! Or what about the TV? Or my iPod..... or for argument sake I would even say may car... out of all of them I would say my car would be the worst...I've been with out a car and it is not fun.... I mean you get by, take the bus what ever you have to do but man it's tough...you do not realize how much you rely on these sort of things in a day to day basis.

We had a wonderful, almost fungus free day yesterday....couple hours at the gym...where come to think of it, I used more modern machines, and then I DROVE down to the harbor, we had a yummy lunch, and then took a walk in the sunshine, and counted crabs perched on the concrete by the guard rails, waiting for the tide to bring them their next snack (think the crabs at the end of Finding Nemo...hey heyyyy heyyyyy!) then we went to the park and played in the sunshine some more....and this whole time I didn't have a working phone. And much to my shock I was not dead this morning when I woke up and STILL have no phone to use. I for one think it's about time I stop relying on my modern conveniences so much.

I really don't think it would be detrimental to my survival if I just left my cell phone at home for the day, or maybe even turned it off for a little while or listened to music on *gasp* the radio rather than on my computer or ipod, and that's WITHOUT Spongebob's laugh in the background infiltrating our brains. I wonder why my life feels so complicated. And that's because I complicate it.... whatever happened to going HOME to use your phone... must people be able to get a hold of me RIGHT NOW? Or vice versa? What ever happened to reading a book or a magazine instead of rotting our brains with TMZ and Dr. phil. I remember as a kid, popping a TAPE into my radio and literally waiting there for as long as it took with my finger in the "record" button to catch my favorite N'sync song. Now all I have to do is turn on my computer, tap "enter" on my key board and the song is on my computer and at my disposal.

I've come to an awareness that these modern day "conveniences" might not always be so convenient! Maybe, just maybe my life would be a little more simple if I just stopped worrying so much about my phone or my computer. Or even my car... write letters more instead of emailing....leaving my phone at home while I'm at work or turning it off while I'm spending time with my boy. Taking a power walk in the sun, and using resistance bands afterwards, instead of going to the gym and using machines. Maybe these little modern day conveniences are just such a part of my little comfort zone that I didn't realize how UNcomfortable they really are? I'm challenging each person who read this to turn your cell phone off for a while... I guarantee you won't miss it as much as you thought...anything important enough will be brought to your attention in an other way and I promise; the world will not stop spinning.

What are some fungi in your life???

It's Finally Friday!

2010-05-28T17:11:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhh....Friday....I love Friday....me and Friday are likethis. George Jones says does a good Friday song....

**Warning: Do not click if you don't like twang...I personally love twang and this song is awesome**

This is a particularly cool Friday because I get to inform you all that I was given the 'Trendy Blogger' award by my bloggy buddy Punk Rock Momma... Thank you so so so very much!!

So now naturally I have to pass this award on to some other wonderful bloggers

The award goes to:

CA Girl

Brown Eyed Belle

Days on the creek

He who laughs last didn't get it

Mommy loves Stillettos

Stillettos and a Stroller Times Three

The MVP's of Mesa town

The Scoop on Poop

Earth Mother Just Means I'm Dusty

All of these bloggers are more than deserving of any award, I think as a bloggy friend with your best interests in mind, I'm going to strongly suggest you go read up and enjoy!!

Oh and smile! It's the weekend!

Super Human Mommy Powers

2010-05-24T19:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you, reader, were aware but, us mommies have super human powers...that's right...I'm SUPER human. When you become a mom all kinds of cool things happen...you suddenly, from the moment you find out you're preggers, gain all sorts of special powers. A few of them being:

1. Enhanced sense of smell.... believe me, you definitely get to experience this one when you're pregnant....I could sniff out a wet towel from a pile of clothes like no bodies business...and then comes post preggo enhanced smell....you get to test out your new smell abilities plenty...your nose is graced with a plethora scents as you go along...poop, puke, formula. Pees and carrots never smelled the same after getting a whiff of Gerber's culinary expertise.

2. Super sonic hearing... I can hear my son breathing wrong from 3 rooms away. My ears perk up when my son so much as squeaks from across a play ground. I plan on putting this into a little more use when Trevor is a teenager...now I know why my mom always knew when I snuck out.

3. Basket ball player aim...I can shoot 3 pointers into a plastic bucket with Hot Wheels cars all day....I just pump 'em right out...oh, and I have a fantastic arch. Makes for a fun clean-up. Shaq aint got nothin' on me!

4. Quick like a bunny in a forest fiyah reflexes...I got hit in the side of the head with a flying golf ball before I had really honed in on this special power...now I catch all kinds of air bound objects with ease.

5. Muscles.... I have the arms of a line backer...stick a kid on my hip and I can use my "man" muscles for hours. These come especially in handy when you have a passed out completely limp 40 pounds to ~~lug~~ tote out of the car.

6. Amazing healing powers....dude. I can kiss the pain right out of a boo boo...and my hugs stop tears almost automatically. Booyah.

7. Eagle eyes..... despite the fact that I am blinder than a bat with out my glasses, I would still be able to spot my kiddo almost right away...in a crowd....all wearing the same color.... its like I have a built in radar screen.

8. Anti gag mechanism.... I can do all sorts of things with out getting grossed out... I changed diapers from some of the nastiest contents you could possibly imagine with out even gagging... puke? NOTHIN. Snot smeared on my shoulder. Not even a flinch. Seriously. I. am. immune.

9. Speeeeeeed.... I can do a multitude of things PDQ. Whip up breakfast in 10 mins flat. Change a diaper in under a minute. Get a squirmy toddler dressed and ready in lightening speed. Did you see that??!! That was me zooming by with a juice box and a PB and J sandwich ready for consumption in 10 seconds.

10. Miraculous multitasking.... please excuse me...I'm getting dressed, feeding my child, putting on my makeup, doing laundry, fixing a boo boo, giving kisses (and hugs) working, playing cars and picking up toys all at the same time... I'll be able to talk as soon as I free up my mouth.

These are just a few. I'm sure there are others, but you know....I don't want to give away any mommy secrets.

If you're a mommy, what super human powers to YOU have?

On a lighter note....Getting to know you Sunday

2010-05-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

The past couple weeks my post have been so serious, and so sad. My heart has been hurting pretty badly. But now that I've vented its time to start working on a little bit happier. I'm gunna try and turn my frown upside down! And I'm starting with Getting to know YOU.

1. Do you have a fetish?

I'm not suuuure...... I love lip gloss. I have TONS of gloss. Like enough to last me the rest of my life...
seriously.

2. Do you sing in the shower?
Hahahahaaaaaaaaa.......no. Although I used to....but I have room mates now... I'm pretty sure they'd be asking me to sing
solo...."solo" they can't hear me!

3. Who was your first crush?
Yikes.... I don't even remember...I've had so many lol I was known for being a little boy crazy when I was younger... ok I think it has to be Tommy Gibson.... my mom's bestfriend's son... we are practically the same age and used to be play mates, and that's about as far back as I can remember.

4. What do you think is the best manly trait a guy could have?
Rugged hands....and or shoulders

5. Do you sleep naked?
I have, but not anymore...I gots a 3 year old in the bed with me now so yeah.... I don't do nekkid well anyways..

6. What do you do when (you think) no one is looking?
pick wedgies or fix my tah tahs

7. What's the first thing you do when you go online?
Stalk my Facebook friends, and then my blog is close after

8. Summer is.....?
BBQ, watermelon, sleeping with the windows open, tank tops and swimming pools and too hot LOL

Ok...I'll admit it...I'm smiling.... mostly because I admitted I pick my butt on my blog....but its cool....you guys get the good bad AND the ugly :) Today will be a good day... it's Sunday, I have church to uplift me today and tomorrow is the start of a new week!.. Today I'll be praying for god to give me some PERSPECTIVE and a happy heart! I hope you all have a superfantastical day!!!!

Metaphorical bullets

2010-05-21T23:52:00.000-07:00

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

-Robert Frost

It's hard to believe I haven't posted since Tuesday. It seems like I'm being thrown lesson after lesson recently, those kind of lessons that leave you stumped and literally dumbfounded as to what you should think or do. It's to the point where the only thing I can think of that would take anything away is sleep. And even then, sleep is weird when you have too much on your mind. I toss and turn, and have strange intensely real dreams, and wake up randomly with crap on my mind. I honestly thought, I knew who I was. I thought for sure. But its turning out that I haven't even started figuring out who I truly am.

Every experience I go through, I'm changing. Growing and Learning (hopefully) more about what makes me tick. Each decision I make (some painfully) leads me down a different path. Each path I go down (might) lead me to something better or to something that will change my life again. I've been through so much in the past three years. And some of the memories are seared into my heart forever... some experiences you just never forget. They were experiences that took everything you THOUGHT you knew and just blew you out of the water. Life has a way of doing that to me... just when I think I got my S*** figured out I get thrown a curve ball.

No one gives you a manual, explaining how to "do" life. You just hold on and try to enjoy the ride. No one warns you the some of the decisions you make will be horribly painful, Like taking a metaphorical bullet. And that the only way to get over the pain is to just FEEL it. No one posts a memo letting you know you will feel lost, lonely, scared, confused etc. etc.
No one makes a public service announcement that you will drive yourself nuts wondering if you're doing the right things for yourself and other parties closely involved, like the little 3 year old life I hold in my hands. No one waves a yellow flag in your face to let you know that you will be "rode hard and put a way wet". That LIFE is the scariest and most beautiful and intense things you can experience.

I've gone through my life feeling my way along. Feeling every loss, every change, every memory. I've always just been "in touch" with my emotions. And I've always connected myself to other people in the same way. I feel emotion without people even knowing I can. I've been told by family that as a child I used to just love someone from the minute I'd meet them. And you could just feel that love. I haven't changed. I am so emotionally involved with the things in my life. I put my heart into everything. Every choice I make I put myself into it. And the tricky thing is now I have another human being to make choices for, one of the people who has taught me the most about myself in such a short amount of time. The little life that I do EVERYTHING for now.

Right now I just hold on to hope and try to be as strong as possible. I can never to fighting. Never stop hoping and praying that I'm making the right decisions. And along with hoping, praying and fighting I will live. Live the gift I've been given. Because after all is said and done, life is pretty awesome... trials, tribulations, metaphorical bullets and all. Despite life being insane, I am so thankful that I have it. I have a healthy child. I have a roof over my head. I have food. I have the smile of my son to brighten my day, and giggles to keep it that way. I wake up everyday and I am happy for that day, even if I don't know it right away. I have family and friends. I have a job. I have a car. I have family. And even while "taking bullets" I'm SO lucky to even have a life to be taking bullets (metaphorically of course) in.

Listen to the song, it says it all!

Fly by posting....

2010-05-18T16:40:00.000-07:00

Literally because I'm practically jumping on and off the computer...I just got my boy home from school a lil while ago, and I have the impending drop off at his dads house looming over me like the beetle last week. I really have a hard time dropping him off, especially when he's telling me he wants to stay with me...It breaks my wittle heart. I don't have much time to post because I'm squeezing every minute I can out of my last few hours with my boy... I WILL do my very bestest to get back tomorrow to give you all some love :) But I wanted to share pictures I took of Trev's second day of school, there are only a couple, mainly because they don't allow cameras in the actual class rooms and because I cant get him to sit still long enough. Ms. Miriam tells me that Trev does wonderfully... I'm sooooo proud of my boy! And he really seems to like it alot! And he's making buddies!

Saying "school!"

In case it wasn't obvious, it's a "birdie mask"

His very first "report Card"

I hope you are all having a really great day, and if I can't get back tomorrow, a really great week!!!!

Monkey minute

2010-05-17T22:05:00.000-07:00

It's a smidgen late to be posting Monkey Minute, but I just gotsta! You can see my original Monday post, 'I grew Balls' ' .Here. Have you ever peed in the shower/bath/pool?

Yes to 1, 2 AND 3. Did I REALLY just admit that publicly?
On my PUBLIC blog?? yikes.

What is your biggest pet peeve?

Rude people. Amongst many others.

What's the story behind your blog title?

The three words I say the most as a mom...
No. Don't. AND Stop. :)

What is your definition of success?

I dont know that I have one. I think success is living your life to the fullest.
I would say my life would be successful, if I had the people I loved in it, and I enjoyed it.

If you were famous, what would you want to be famous for?
Helping someone. Or inventing something that will make a difference for the good
of people.

Link up people.

DO IT FOR MONKEY!!

I grew the balls

2010-05-16T22:37:00.000-07:00

**Like I said in my FF post, I was going to have to grow balls to do this post today... Just to warn my readers, this is a really long post. Constructive comments are definitely welcome. This is basically just a story and when I re read it I was thinking it felt a little choppy, for lack of better words? And I kind of feel like a sounded a little crazy, But it's really helped me to write it all out**

I don't quite know how to begin talking about what's happened. Mostly because I'm so used to NOT talking about it. I've conditioned myself to push these matters away into that little spot in my brain reserved for things that hurt to much to think or talk about. It's been a few days since my last conversation with my dad. The conversation(s) went just about as bad as they could have gone. Like I've said in a previous post I've been trying to patch up the lack of relationship between my father and which has proven to be a challenge, but it was much better than before.

My dad never fully quit drinking, and 95% of the time I talk to him he's drinking or drunk. My father sober and my father drunk are like night and day. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. There are two different drunk dads- the emotional one and the angry one. So it's pretty much a crap shoot. I can handle the emotional drunk and I prefer sober, but I cannot handle angry drunk. Angry drunk is the mean spirited, scary, aggressive and irrational. "Angry" is what haunts my innermost thoughts fears and emotions. "Angry" is not my real father, but he was the father I wound up with most of the time.

It's next to impossible for me to have a civil conversation with "Angry" because my defenses are up the second I gauge what kind of drunk he is. The first conversation didn't work. Not at all. I called back the next evening, thinking maybe we could start over. And because I had to, mainly because there's been news about his health with each phone call. My father was diagnosed with Colon cancer early this year (I think) , and is creeping up on stage three. In the last few months, his health has been what was bringing us together. I was the person he was talking to about everything. And I was happy to be there for him. I felt connected to my dad in a way that was something I wasn't used to experiencing. And when it came time for me to confide in him I gave it a chance, and talked to him about some problems my boyfriend and I had been having, and at the time of that conversation things weren't looking to good. Well lets just say the secret didn't stay with him, despite him saying I could trust him. Things between my boyfriend and I have since been fixed and everything is great.

The first phone call he discovered I was indeed still with my boyfriend. That did not go over well. And the main issue is my boyfriend's face/religion. He is Lebanese and Muslim. I am American and Christian. It's proven to be a touchy subject for some so far. However, my boyfriend regardless of which race or creed is amazing. He's one of the most awesome people I've ever had the pleasure of having in my life. And has been there for me in ways that not many have. "Angry" was not a good side of my dad to be talking to about this. Needless to say it ended badly, and completely ruined my night. And I was even more pissed because of how upset I was and that I LET it ruin my night. I should know better.

Skip to the next day. The whole incident was heavy on my mind the whole day. I was thinking and hoping/dreading; Hoping he wouldn't be drunk, and dreading that he probably was. But I had to try and make things better. I literally started my phone call with " I was calling to see if maybe we could start over". And I immediately regretted it. I knew right away he had been drinking. I should have just waited until the next morning. At first we talked about his cancer, he explained he was seeing a new doctor, and had a different procedure planned and things looked much more optimistic. Ok...so far so good. Wait maybe not. The subject of my boyfriend came up. I explained to him again what I had tried to explain the night before, making sure to leave nothing out. I should know better by now to think that details mattered when "angry" was beginning to show. At the end of my speech, I stepped off of my soapbox and said, "Dad, I know you worry about me, and you have every right to, you're my dad, and I understand, but I'm 26, I'm smart and I'm a strong woman". I spent even more time defending my self and my boyfriend, trying to explain my boyfriend and "his kind". I was incredibly offended. I am not and never will be one to generalize a single person into a "kind".

I have learned so much about the Lebanese and Muslim culture, and I am lucky to have had the opportunity to learn part of what makes our world so awesome. The world we ALL occupy. I digress. Conversation goes on and completely goes to shit. All hope of salvaging the conversation at this point was decimated. The subject had been changed and the one we were on came to a head and the words out of his mouth caused me to end the conversation immediately. I practically hung up. Well I said "bye" but not much more than that...Oh and "I cant talk to you anymore".

"Sarah If you're so f***in' strong then why did you need to borrow money, If you're so strong then why don't you have two jobs, If you're so strong then why do you struggle..." I stopped him there. I was crushed. "ANGRY" should not be saying anything about being strong ( strong man would never have abandoned his family in the way that he did.) But it was his disease right? His Alcoholism? I felt torn down, like all the times he told me I was doing a great job, and that I was going to be ok, if I ever needed anything let him know. Maybe that was the alcohol talking too.

The voicemail I got after I pseudo hung up on him, said "I didn't give a f*** about him, and not to EVER call him again. NOT EVER" Pretty clear to me. But it was the alcohol talking right? I wasn't real dad, it was "angry". I do not know how many times in my 26 years that I have said that it wasn't him. I was the alcohol talking. Well you know what? I'd officially like to say "F*** you alcohol!" In the spirit of facing my demons and making changes, I'm going to promise to myself that alcohol is no longer an excuse I am accepting. I have learned through this that the reason why his words still cut me like a knife, is because I love him, and all I've so desperately wanted my whole life was a relationship with my FATHER. Not the alcohol. My DADDY. Not "angry". And until alcohol is no longer in the picture, a real, ans significant, trusting relationship with my father will be impossible. I cannot let him too far into my heart, and this has been one of the toughest revelations of all.

And then comes the guilt...like I am giving up on him or something. I mean, is it true that in order for someone to be helped they have to WANT to help themselves? He has so many opportunities. All with his whole family backing him. My mom for over 20 years. Hand fulls of wake up calls, many runs through AA, some more successful than others. And the alcohol years later and with cancer still has its grips on him. It's the only thing he knows.

I don't know if I'm going to call my dad. As of right now the answer is no, not yet. Definitely not yet. At first it was not EVER. Even though deep down in my heart I should and will eventually. I would not be able to live with myself knowing that if something happened to him I didn't try to talk to him. This is something that has and will be on my mind for a while...or until I grow the balls to call him... When he's sober, and try talking to him then... I'm going to have to learn how to talk to him when he's sober. Problem is my dad doesn't even know how to talk about these issues sober.

But I can still try right?

Weeeeeeee!!!

2010-05-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

So not only did I win that give away I was talking about in my FF post, but Drama Mama over at The Scoop on Poop bequeathed upon me an award! Seriously made my day, god love 'er! If you've never been over to her blog, I think it would be in your better interest to stop by...or stay...but don't be all stalkerific...you know, but be a fan or something. It's worth your time...and c'mon, she's got the word "poop" in the name of her blog...doesn't get much better than that! Oh, and she's very funny...and versatile seeing as how she passed the "Versatile Blogger" award on to me. Thanks friend! I appreciate it alot!!!

So following the rules of the award, I've thanked the awesome human being who graced me with this award, and now, I am to give you guys 7 tidbits you might not know about me.

Uno: I love Vampire literature, more specifically The Sookie Stackhouse series orrr Mary Janice Davidson's 'Undead' series. Twilight...... yup. That's right. I'm a TwiMom.

Dos: I was a huge baby. 9 Lbs. 8 ounces... my mom was hurtin'.

Tres: I'm petrified of jumping critters...like grass hoppers, crickets etc. Who am I fooling...I'm petrified of all critters of the insect or arachnid variety.

Cuatro: I have Green eyes

Cinco: I LOVE pickles.

Seis: I've eaten tongue before...and it does NOT taste like chicken.

Siete: I love popscicle stick jokes. Like this one: What does a pig use on his cuts?***

Ocho: My favorite movie of ALL TIME is 'Hook' with Robin Williams

Nueve: I can speak a pretty good amount of spanish, 3 years in Highschool, I worked at a mexican food resturant for 3 years and my son is half Hispanic, so I've had my fair share of training I suppose

Diez: Tejava iced tea rocks my socks off!

And now for the part where I get to make 15 other people smile!

The award goes to (in no particular order):

Earth Mother Just means I'm dusty

Love you to the moom Mommy

Jimmy's Opinion

Kerri's Klutter

Mommy Loves Stillettos

My home and my Hips are both Double Wide

The MVP's of Mesa Town

Wemmicks in Training

5,371 Miles Away

Babes Rockin Mami

He Who Laughs Last Didn't get it

My so Called Chaos

See Mom Smile

That 22 Year Old Housewife

Momma Made it look Easy

You should totally go show some love, these ladies and one gent really are awesome!

Thanks again Drama Mama!!!

***OINKMENT! BWAHAHA

Fragments

2010-05-15T00:29:00.000-07:00

Long week. That's just about all I can really say to sum it all up. It's been 4 days since I've posted anything, I have busy spurts every week, normally I might have posted something, or tried to mid-week, yesterday would have been a perfect day to do that and I will explain what happened in one of my Fragments.... By the way you gotsta to stop my Mrs. 4444's place, for her Fragments post, she's the queen of FF you know!

****I'm going to have to re-evaluate my stance on how things are going with my father and I...I want to write about it so badly, but I feel like I might not have my thoughts together on the whole thing yet. It's been an emotionally exhausting past couple days, There were not one but TWO situations that forced me to face my demons, and they both involved my father directly...the out come was not good, especially with alcohol involved (not on my part). I'm just so not ok with this anymore...really it's gotten to the point where I almost can't deal. More to come Saturday or Sunday....whenever I grow the balls to post about it.

****Yesterday I slept. I got home from work and I took time for myself. I needed it. So badly. I'm the kind of person who doesn't mind being alone, in fact I like it. Sometimes I want to go pee with out a 3 year old bursting on on me, or roll around in bed without toddler arm in my face, time to take MY time, lollygag, not be in 20 different places at the same time, have have to talk, or think about anything. And like I said, I slept, got home from work, laid down around 6 and started nodding off watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy, I knocked out somewhere around 7 pm, woke up briefly and went to back to bed with the same pounding headache I started my sleep with. When I sleep like that it's when I'm just done. Done with everything...I'm emotionally exhausted and I'm checking out. Come back later, thanks. It was much needed.

****So we've had quite the crazy week at work. Not only are things crazy because we've made some big changes lately but also we've had a wayward whale hanging out in the harbor about 1/8 of a mile down the canal from where I work. The poor ~~lil~~ BIG thing had been straggling behind the migrating pod due to being tangled up in fishing nets and ropes....Whales migrate right past Dana Point every year, and we don't see many past April, when they get further into cooler waters. Long story short, it was a media circus, and there were literally crowds of people trying to catch a glimpse of her. Sadly to say she didn't make it and was found beached today.

**** I'm excited to say my boy starts Pre School on Monday... Originally I had planned on enrolling him a little closer to 4, but I was faced with needing to work more and this came at just the right time for the both of us. I think he's ready, and he really needs something to focus his attention on, and have an environment where he can be the cute little sponge he is. I will no doubtedly cry, like ALOT, dropping him off for the first time...this is school, I mean Pre school granted, but it still has the word SCHOOL in it....ahhhhh!!! Make his growing up stop....please, for the love of all that is holy.

****I WON SOMETHING!!! Holy crap I won something!! I checked my emails from my phone at work, and I got an email I almost deleted because I thought it was another one of those "You've won!" emails, you know the ones....But this was REAL one...I entered a give away over at Our Fine House, and I won. I was so excited it's ridiculous! Here's the official post saying I'm da weener :) Thanks Jen and Joe!

That's all folks, I hope you've all had a super fantastic week!

Quiet reflection?

2010-05-10T23:09:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on a park bench- supposed to be thinking about my next big blog post or something. I have my pants rolled up over my knees, legs propped up on the table in front of me; A ball cap, a tank top, and a very contented 3 1/2 year old romping around the multi-colored play set pretending to be a pirate. (Note to self: shake his shoes off out side...its not fun getting sand out of your bed)

It's peaceful and warm...perfect setting for an epiphany or some sort of startling revelation....I consult my brain....crickets.

All I can think about is the fact that my legs are so ~~white~~ transparent, that I feel like I should be wearing tanning bed goggles to look at them. That, and I was suddenly distracted from my second attempt at brain consulting, by a low humming sound....A helicopter???

Nah.....Too close.

Wait.

There it is again. I look to my right and there is the mother of all beetles getting ready to eat my face off. A heart attack with wings. I leap up, waving my notebook around like a lunatic, hoping to hit a home run. The turd did a fly by terror.

What-the-fudge man?! Seriously, why do these things get so big?! They're like mutant houseflies. AND you can HEAR them before you actually SEE them. Leaving you looking around frantically for the impending hell on wings. Now I'm paranoid. Grrrreat.

But one thing I am NOT is pensive. My mind is actually somewhat blank.

Blank???

No pressing issues? No stresses? Not even enough brain action for a brilliant blog post? Odd. but sorta nice.....

...I suppose that would explain why I found the cordless house phone on the front seat of my Alero when we got to the park.

*****************************************************************

Do it for Monkey!!!

Monkey minute

2010-05-10T11:39:00.000-07:00

I don't normally link up with Ian on Mondays, although I read frequently...every week he does "Monday Minute" but this week its Monkey minute... One of our fellow blogger friends got some terrible, life changing news recently... Michelle @ Momma Pixie's Dreams' Daughter "Monkey" was diagnosed with cancer...she needs all the support in the world right now...even if you don't know , or have never read her blog, GO. Be her support. Be her friend. Pray pray pray for Monkey...also stop back to Ian's this Wednesday, he's got something awesome up his sleeve! You can go here for my original my favorite things post, and make sure you head over to Ian's...I implore you! :)

1 - How old do you act?

Ha! That's very subjective. And completely depends on the situation. Most of the time people tell me I act older than my age...so much that sometimes my friends call me "mother goose" because I'm always mother goosin'...being the party pooper or the rational person at the party.

2 - As far back as you can remember, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A veterinarian

3 - If you were to write a book based on your life, what would the title be?

Sarah's smile

4 - What's something that you do that's considered "childish" by most?

I don't know....Sometimes I'm known to let out a crazy burp...I watch cartoons all the time (sometimes by my self) I don't know... lol

5 - The last question isn't a question. Write a story of a time of when you or someone you know overcame great adversity.

You know...I know some people who have been through some stuff, and I've been through alot...but none that I can think of as a mom that would be as devastating this. I can't begin to think of a story.

Do it for Monkey!!!!

My favorite things: Places to be

2010-05-10T00:17:00.000-07:00

The 'My Favorite Things' Shenanigans are going to be changing just a wee smidgen. I talked last week about MFTM being time consuming, and that's largely in part to to the fact that I like to be all artsy and what not. So for my own convenience and yours if you chose to link up (which would be really cool...I'll give you a cookie.) I'm cutting the list down to 5 from ten. This should make things a little more interesting as well...I'll really have to work hard to narrow MFT down to just 5 per category...cause I have a lot of FT you know!

This week's is My Favorite Places to be:

1. Gram's house

My grandma's house holds practically all of my childhood nostolgia...

well not ALL, but alot. I spent a ton of time there when I was little.

I have that place memorized from front to back...I know the sounds and

smells and where the to find almost anything. I walk in and it's like home.

I'm transported back to years of Chrismases and Thanksgivings. Tennis

games on the Tv...Frank Senatra playing softly in the kitchen at the butt crack

of dawn, my grams house flip flops-a -flippin-and-a-flopping up and down

the hall way (also at the butt crack of dawn). The smell of my grandmas home

made Zuccini bread, and the smell of Bay leaves simmering in my Papa's

delicious spagetti. God bless his amazing soul. Visions of bowls of green grapes

on the counter for me to pick at when I wanted, the times we'd spend at the yacht

club and on my papa's sail boat, The papagayo....and not last...and def. not going to

be least...the Tangerine tree...there will be a post in the near future about the tangerine

tree! The 3 pics....me IN said Tangerine tree, my wonderful grams cooking and lastly

my wonderful grams again, picking black berries in a jump suit. LOL I love her!

2. The Dana Point Harbor

I think of good times, good friends and a peacul place to be when I talk about

the Harbor. Not only do I work there, but I've spent most of my 17-23 year old life there.

Memories galore, all which I love to revisit. Days when I had nothing to worry about.

Work work work all day and play play play all night. Aside from that, its gorgeous. There's

nothing better than suiting up and power walking in the sun, with the briney sea air in your hair.

Or early in the morning, when there's not a soul in sight, and all you hear are the bells dinging

quietly, and the water lapping at the side of the boats. Utter peace.

3.BED

For obvious reasons......

I'm talking about for SLEEP. jeeze. ;)

I really cannot express to you how much I love bed.

I have always been one of those people, who would much rather

spend my mornings in bed with a cuppa joe than up and about all wimbly nimbly

being all cheerful and crap. I love to wallow in my blankets all morning, and it's a

cryin' shame that I don't get the opportunity anymore...but that's ok...bed and I are

likethis...and we'll have our day again!

drooool.

4.Anywhere and everywhere with my other half:

And for a gazillion reasons...just a few being he's my left hand...my partner

in crime...the half that makes his mama whole. My heart, life, and soul. He

breaths life into me with every smile. I would go anywhere with him. And I would

give him big mom kisses the whole way.

5. Church

One of the only places where I feel completely at one.

Totally loved. At peace. Full. And Happy.

I love to chill with my good buddy JC, what can I say.

He's the bomb! Especially recently, I've learned so much,

and each week I go I want more and more.

Hebrews 10:25

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Theres my 5 folks....link up... I'd love to see what your favorite places are.

Have a super monday!!!

Short and sweet Happy Mothers day

2010-05-09T10:18:00.000-07:00

I woke up late, we have church in like T minus 1 hour I'm frantic and I had this whole post planned out....grrr...I don't wanna post it too late because I dont know what we'll be doing later. Anyways....

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

This is my beautiful mommy and I

This is my beautiful mommy being a great mommy :)

My beautiful mommy being a GREAT grandma

And this is my beautiful mommy just being beautiful

If it wasnt for my mommy I'd be lost, she taught me everything I know, and most importantly how to be a mommy to my wonderful son!

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!!!!

SSSS..... or something like it

2010-05-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

You ever have those weeks that just feel crazy even though they're really not? It's just that each day is an amplified version of the norm? A little more emotional, a little more hectic, SSDD with just a little change in it? (I'll give you a "hug" if you can figure out or if you know what SSDD or SSSS are) That's kind of how my week was....

Dropping Trevor off on Tues. was straight up brutal... and it seems to keep getting harder...my heart breaks each time...He's been doing so well...his tantrums seem to be getting alot better, and he's been wonderful. Sweet, and cuddly, and just the sweet little baby he always is. we spent most of Tues laying around in bed and cuddling watching movies. When it came time to take him to the ex's he said "No mommy, I don't want to go to daddy's house, I wanna stay witchoo. I promise I'll be a good boy". Oh sweet baby....daddy's house is not a punishment... that was heart wrencher number one... Then dropping him off he cried... and just looked so apprehensive... looking up at his dad like " Are you happy to see me?"....that was heart wrencher number two....I just cried. I don't know how else to cope with it. I know his father loves him... I really do. I just wish he would try to make Trevor's visits more special.

Work was insane. I work at a restaurant if you will, a little place in the DP harbor, a family owned business that's been there for 30 years...this place is like a home to me, the owner like a father. We've always been busy, one of those local places that everyone in the city knows, and will wait the line 50 people deep and 40 mins long just to order food. We get busier and busier as the years go by, and we've been doing things virtually the same way forever...well we've implemented en entirely new system. New registers and operating systems, and new food prep systems. The result? Chaos. The registers not so much. The food is another story. I feel like I ran around in circles the whole week. Being a creature of habit, I do not deal with change well. Needless to say I was excited for the R&R and to have my other half back.

Today has been a wonderfully leisurely morning, I've been blessed with a child who likes to sleep in, we don't normally roll out of bed until 9:30, so that's always nice. We did turkey bacon and eggs, Trev's favorite. I drank my coffee and watched some cheesy Sci-fi movie....and now its catching up on blogs, and my neglected commenting. There won't be much more going on today besides this glorious laziness... I love it so much. If I could just lay in bed all day with my boy I would. I'm looking so forward to the next couple days, and I'm excited that Mother's day is on a Sunday, it'll be cool to see how church is going to be, I can't think of a better day of the week for Mommy's day to be on!

Oh and last but certainly NOT least.... I love each and everyone of you like a fat kid loves cake...and I really love cake. My readers continually make me feel so supported and cared about, Tuesday's post was really hard for me, and as usual I have the wonderful support of you all.. and its SOOOO appreciated! Seriously, you're frappin' awesome! After that post, I'm just trying to move forward...I can't keep revisiting that part of my life...I'm trying to find and heal all affected areas, and look and see what part of my life they have changed. The trust issues are a good one....my need for control and safety is another. My fear of ANY change is another. The fear of having concrete love in my life. I'm terrified of losing things/people. Theres an entire laundry list of things I need to work on...some of which I'll elaborate more on as soon as I grow some balls back after that last post, writing about everything has proven to be really therapeudic for me!

So here's to fixing my disfunctions, and moving forward!!

“The key to change... is to let go of fear.”
-Rosanne Cash

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
-Charles Swindoll

Facing my Demons

2010-05-04T01:53:00.000-07:00

This all started when I rearranged my room....I just HAD to start digging through old things...I found a certain notebook,( I wrote about it here.) In said notebook I kind of rediscovered who I was and how I came to be who I am. I've re-read this note book a couple times before the other day, but maybe I just wasn't ready to let myself deal with some of what I went through, back then. Alot of what happened and what I felt has been locked up in a special hidey place in my head. In a way I "forgot". If you aren't sure where I'm going with this, I'm speaking mostly of growing up with a severely alcoholic father. Alotof him not being there, alot of emotional and mental abuse, never physical. But it was a mind screw none the less. I'm not going to go into ALOT of details. I just can't air the uglys out on my blog TOO much. Know there was alot of alcohol, alot of drugs, alot of screaming, alot of late night waking up.... I grew up way too fast, and in a tiny little way I feel like a little smidge of my child hood was taken away. God bless my mom for holding it all together.

My father is an amazing man. He's funny, and an amazingly talented cook and guitar player...I mean my dad can rip. Not only that but he can catch a fish like no body's business, clean it, and then cook an delicious meal out of it. I LOVE my dad... I do. SOOO very much. And he was ever so kind to bless me with his ginormous feet and chunky toes....thanks dad! I have forgiven him for anything that's happened...I had to. I had no relationship with my dad for a while, and since have been trying to build it again. So far so good. I had to let go I guess. But the hurt was still there. Its there when I get that nagging feeling of mistrust with men. It's there in the pang of sadness in myheart for mysister, because she did not deal with the situation with him as well as it did. But I have to REALLY let go. Deal with the demons once and for all. I don't want to have this locked away any more...I need to remember, and remember what I learned and how I got here, the good bad and ugly. I want to continue to learn about who my dad is. He had a disease. I know and recognize that. He doesn't even remember half of it, if not more, but with having that disease, I didn't have the real Rick...the real daddy.

Along with the notebook I found a journal, mostly with alot of poetry, or just word vomit if you will. Sometimes just writing what ever I write with out thinking about it it therapeudic for me...this journal was alot of that. I came across a poem I wrote at 17 years old. I have never let anyone see this...I can remember this night, and picking this journal up and writing it just after something had happened. I actually really let myself READ it today. I mean really feel it. Every word a memory. I'm letting it go by sharing it.

By sharing it, I acknowledge that it happened...no longer locked away.... My mom reads my blog...I know she's going to cry......

-------->Hey momwee....don't cry!! :)

(I do call her Mom-Wee)

And then there's the good times! :)

Graduation 2002

And now for something completely different

2010-05-03T12:13:00.000-07:00

I couldn't give you a post with that title and NOT throw this vid in.... *wink wink nudge nudge say no more* Monty Python's "And Now for something Completely Different" is hilarious, For those of you who like Monty Python and knew exactly what my title meant when you read it, you get a prize. What's the surprise you ask??? uh.....well let me get back to you on that!

Monday's are usually for "My favorite things" and this is just that only a little bit different... I'm finding it difficult to keep up with My favorite things....I mean in theory it's easy...but after a few times doing it, the way I do it, with pics/vids/sound bytes what have you, its getting to be time consuming... and I woke up late this morning...long story short I'm not doing a full blown My Favorite things, but a modified one...and for those of you who linked up last week ( I think there were only two, Thanks Jimmy, and FP mamma) or for those who where thinking about it, I may or may not cut the lists down to 5....I don't know.... we all know decisions are tough for me.

One of my favorite things to do with Trevor is take him to where my mom works....yup, sounds strange, but my mommy works at Armstrong garden Center, that's right....I, the bonified "plant killer" have a mother with a green thumb.... I can remember growing up in Middle school and all through highschool, with a garden in out front yard that people would literally stop and take pictures of....our front yard looked like the Botanical gardens at 33965....yet I cannot keep a plant alive for the life of me....and being that my mom works at a nursey, plants are a fairly normal gift or surprise....always with the disclaimer "Ok, you won't need to water this plant for at least a week, lets see if you can keep this one alive" I even kill cacti. I digress. I take trevor there not only to see his Grams, but to run around...its out doors, theres TONS of beautiful plants for him to look at, water fountains etc. He loves it. And so do I. The last time I was there, spring had totally sprung. There were, happy, perky, beautiful and very colorful flowers EVERYWHERE. I LOVE them. I guess my green thumb mama rubbed off her appreciation for the beauty of plants/flowers on me.

Ahhhh....they make me smile! And hopefully they did the same for you! I love making people smile...it's like my job or something. If i can make someone smile by putting on a mokey suit and dancing the Macerena with a cowboy hat I'll do it if thats what it takes! Don't get any ideas! I will only take drastic measures if neccessary. Making people smile is another one of my favorite things. I like to turn people's frowns UPSIDE DOWN! I guess I know how much I appreciate someone making me smile when I need it the most. Or when I'm just having a disgusting day, and a gesture or a few kind words from someone just totally turns it around... I love that. Or even better, laughing with a total stranger. Its great to find someone you don't even know who just randomly has the same sense of humor as you. Or turning something that makes you just smile into an all out, balls to the wall giggle attack... the kind that make you pee your pants.....yes, I pee my pants if I laugh too hard, what of it? I try to do little things for people to put a smile on their face... sometimes it's a big cheesy smile from myself....or if I'm at work I do this:

Just TRY to tell me that you would NOT smile if you saw that on the top of your smoothie!

So tell me....did YOU smile reading this? Please don't make me take drastic measures, just SMILE already!! :)

One last attempt:

Did it work?

Sunday Funday AND Getting to know YOU

2010-05-02T17:25:00.000-07:00

I thought maybe I would do a double feature today, just cause I'm cool like that...or at least that's what my mama tells me! Do you get the memo that it was Sunday Funday?? We went to church, headed to the harbor for a little walk, and then to Wahoo's for lunch...I have an obsession with Wahoo's in case you don't remember. Now for a few pictures and then on to getting to know you!

Getting to church

The kissyface was a popular pose today.

Can you tell the sun was in my eyes?

Don't mind me....just layin.

Reading me a magazine

Yeah, that's right....I'm excited to eat Wahoo's!

Omnomnomnom

The decor at Wahoo's...random stickers, surf and skate.

My DELISH shrimp and grilled chicken tacos

Eat at Wahoo's!

meeeeeeeee!

Getting to know YOU!!!!

I'm linking up with Keely over at Mannland5...you

should too! All the cool kids are doing it!

1. Are you superstitious?

Only a little...you know "see a penny pick it up", knock on wood, throwing salt over the should when you spill etc

2. If you were an animal..what kind would you be?
"Dear god, make me a bird, so I can fly.."

3. You would never catch me wearing.........?
Hoochie skirts, tapered jeans, a bathing suit?

4. If someone posts a VLOG..do you watch it?
Hells yeah!

5. Have you ever waxed your girlie/manly parts..or any other part of your body?
I have not...although I've heard it's much easier...I just don't know how I feel about a stranger down in my no no special spot

6. Are you a spender or a saver?
Sa-ver??? What's this "saver" you speak of??

7. If you were starring in a movie..who would you want to play your leading man/woman?
Easy. Gerard Butler or Jeffery Dean Morgan.

8. Smoker..never smoked..social smoker..or smoked back in the day?
Unfortunately I fall into 3 of these categories

Real quick...all the things/people I'm praying for today

-The people in Tennessee and the surrounding states getting pounded by rain
-All those less fortunate than I
-The orphans or homeless children all over the world
-My father
-YOU!!! :)

That's all for today folks, I can't believe it's May 2nd already...time is flying, my mom always told me to enjoy life because it goes too fast...I think mine is set on warp speed! I hope you all are having a wonderful first couple days of May!

Late night Friday Fragments

2010-04-30T23:45:00.000-07:00

I haven't fragmented in what seems like forever, this Friday seemed like a Fragment day...especially since I've practically neglected my blog for almost a week, I've been trying to keep up with the reading, but the writing part was lacking for me...brain flatuance, mostly....Yup. I said it...brain farts. I have 'em all the time, BF's are a pretty regular thing for me these days! You'll get used to it. So with out any further rambling, I'm joining Mrs. 4444 over at Half Past Kissin' Time for Friday Fragments!

**** Went and saw 'The Losers' with my honey last night, it wasn't the greatest movie ever, but it wasn't horrible... The Rolling Stone have it 2 1/2 stars...and I gotta say I agree. But all and all the movie was pretty funny for the most part, a little cheesy in some parts, alot of bang bang shoot 'em up mixed with comedy type thing...and the company was awesome too!

Before the movie <3

****I've been working on my pa-pa-pa-poker face...my boyfriend taught me how to play Texas Hold 'em, and I love it. We definitely don't play for money, for obvious reasons. Just chips. I was pretty proud of myself the other night because I was the only girl playing and I cleaned them out... not the whole time but enough to make me happy.

This:Gave me-----> This:YAY!

****I now have an acute obsession with Yogurt Land...this place totally trumps Golden Spoon any day. Red Velvet Cake frozen yogurt with White Chocolate chips is just something that cannot be beat...I'm practically drooling right now thinking about it. Delicious.

Where have you been all my life!?

****I'm so excited I get some time off and time to spend with my boy in the next couple days... I miss him so freakin' much when he's away, his cute little "I missed you Mommy!" makes my ~~day~~ life.

Just because its cute.

****Is it weird that I move my bead in a different direction and I sleep differently now because of it? According to Feng Shui you should never face your bed towards your door, which was the way I had it BEFORE, I rotated it the other diection....I like it better aesthetically, but from a functionality point of view its a bit of a pain, going to take some getting used to.

**** Can I please tell you how utterly thrilled I am there is a new Sookie Stackhouse novel coming out May 10th!!!!!!

I have been following this series for quite some time now, and have read the books all more than once. The HBO series 'True Blood' is based on this book series....and the books are WAYYY better than the shows, even if the shows are effin' fantastic.

They're like a drug

That's all folks, I hope we all had a awesome Friday, and have an awesome weekend ahead!

I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger...

2010-04-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

I got a wild hair up my you know what, the other night and completely rearranged my room....I the process I went through a couple boxes that I haven't been through in a long long time....it was one of those boxes that has all of you "blast from the past" stuff in it....pictures from high school, memories, trinkets etc. While I was digging/tripping out I found this:

My two friends and I who you will see in the picture in the center (from L to R: Myself, Allison, Carly) started this note book in high school, our Sophomore year....2000! 10 years ago. TEN. We would write notes to each other, keep it for 2 days, and then pas it along to the next girl out of the 3 of us, who would then do the same. This notebook, is a written reminder of who I was then. I was 16 years old. With no worries other than boys, sneaking out, school, and why I for the life of me could NOT understand "Moles and Atoms" in chem class. I'll quote myself....

"Carly...do you understand all this Mole & and Atom crap in chem? It's not hard but I'm SO sick of Dimensional Analysis and Sig Figs! Chemistry is the most horrible class I have EVER taken!"

Wonder if the WAHmbulance came and got me after that? Because if I knew the trials and tribulations I would be going through 10years later... man.... If I only knew.... I would have not worried so much about Mike, Tyler, or JJ. because they were guys I would not even remember 10 years from then....I would have listened more in my Intermediate Composition class with Ms. Elliot even if she was weird and listened to strange music during class. I would have known that me not going to Winter Formal was NOT the end of the world... I would have saved the money to go visit my best friend Nik when he moved to Australia..... But really....All of these things happened for a reason...they shaped who I am today. Even though I don't think "hot boxing" my friends car on the way to go shopping was a bright idea. Or getting trashed off of Vodka. OR peeing off the side of a bridge......

One of the letters broke my heart...I was trying to be so tough... I might write more about this later, but my father was an alcoholic, bad... I remember starting to stand up to him, starting to defend myself....being 16 and thinking it was time to put a stop to this...I know now that it did not work, and I would still go through years of hurt with my mom and little sister, due to my father's alcoholism... in this case a boy called me, and my dad, drunk, couldn't remember who it was...

"ugh! I hate my dad! I seriously came so close to punching him in nose last night! He's such a jerk! And it's kind of funny because when he's been drinking and he goes off on me, I just yell back in his face, and if he tells me to go to my room or something, I flat out say "no" right to his face! It's really hard to not start laughing at him because he gets even more pissed when he realizes he has no control over me when he's been drinking, and his face turns red and he has this vein that pops out of the side of his neck! it's really funny!"

None of that was funny. It was terrifying... I know now that I was trying to make the situation funny because I was trying to cover up the hurt. I know now that when I'm upset, scared or uncomfortable, the "funny" thing is a mask. I wish I could go back to me 16 year old self and give myself a hug. "Stop being so angry" I would tell myself.

"Your father has to WANT to change, and he won't remember ANY of what he's putting you through, so be strong, take care of your sister and mom, and know that even if you won't get much closure, you'll HAVE to forgive him for this later" I would tell myself. It breaks my heart to read that because I know now, how much the pain from that would change me....how much it would shape me and how I react to men in particular, and how much pain I was really going through then and how much I wanted someone to just understand, and how much I wanted to just be 16.

This notebook, is like a capsule of who I was, am and who I was to become... I didn't know then how my choices would affect my future, how stupid and petty some of then things I was doing were...BUT as stupid and petty as they were, they shaped and molded me into ME. Each choice I made, each hit of pot I smoked....each hot boxed car....each shot of vodka...each bridge peed over, each time I stood up to my father...each boy who broke my heart.

The last entry in the notebook was written by myself in hot pink sparkly gel pen, in my very sloppy teenage scrawl, with a magazine clipping of Mark Mcgrath pasted to the page... I talk about the Red Door, which was my church youth group back then.... here's the quote:

"Carly, when is that Red Door thing happening? We're not going to Magic Mountain tomorrow, obviously, because its raining, so I'm going to go w/ the church to play broom ball. That is SO much fun!! I LOVE Red Door outreaches"

If I could go back to that day, I'd lean in and whisper to my 16 year old self that I was making a GREAT choice...."Don't let go of god" I would tell my self. Even though I know now, that I would let go of god....I would lose grip on my Christianity for years to come after that. And then find him again later.... but little did I know, the Red Door outreaches that were to come would plant the seed. The seed that would stay there waiting to grow for a long time.

But it was there, and stayed there the whole time, for me to find again later... it happens to be one of the best choices I made ...... Back in the days when I was my 16 year old self.

My favorite things Monday: randomized

2010-04-26T12:33:00.000-07:00

For some reason the little spot in my brain where I ponder my blog posts has been completely blank....we're talking crickets y'all. Just nothin'. I could not wait to get to Monday because at least I knew I would have something for you's guys. Sometimes I just need a little hiatus I guess! This weeks My favorite things I going to be random, just a mish mash of some of my favorite things in no particular category....

Numero Uno: Rain

I am one of those people who thinks ugly weather is sometimes

more beautiful than sunny weather.... there's something about rain...

the sound, the way it feels, and don't even get me started on the smell.

Numero dos: The ocean

I've lived with the ocean not more than 15 minutes away my whole life,

and with a father who practically has salt water in his veins, I've grown to

love and appreciate all that the ocean is.

Numero tres: Disneyland

The amount of excitement I feel even just saying the words Disney Land is

almost enough to make me squeel. I transform into a 4 year old the second

I step for into D land......I LOOOVE it. At the entrance there is a sign that says

"Here you leave today, and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy"

So true.... *sigh*

Numero cuatro: Coffee

The picture above says enough :)

Numero cinco: Office Supplies

I will stand and drool over pens, post-its, markers etc. Even if I have

no reason to buy them.... Its the little things in life like a cute wire paper

clip holder with a magnet in the rim.....

Numero seis: Babies laughing

you get a video for this one....it's one of my faves, along with this one and also this one.

There might be something seriously wrong with you, if you arent at least smiling at this point.

Numero siete: Fire places

I could sit and roast by a fire place on a cold, rainy winter day

for hours, I love the cracking sound of wood as it burns...there's

nothing like it! Especially if its at my gram's house!

Numero ocho: Kisses!

I don't think this one needs much description...we all know why I love kisses so much!

Numero nueve: Christmas

Christmas for me is a time for traditions, family, and magic....the magic of Chrismas

is like none other! And as for traditions, 'A christmas Story' is one of mine!

Numero dies: Rainbow Sandles

These are the exact sandles that I practically live in...if you do not own

a pair of Rainbows I strongly suggest you do... They are worth the 45 bucks

and you will have them for YEARS....the longer you own them the

more they form to YOUR foot, and the softer and more comfy the leather gets!

People wear them untill the look like this:

And even then you're sad to throw them out because that means

you have to start over!

You should totally link up...I'd love to see your list!

Monkeyin' around

2010-04-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

This post is going to be all pictures of my fantastically adorable son at the park, and I might sneak in a couple extras! We had so much fun, and he wore him self out, it was awesome! Nothing better than a tired 3 year old, cause then all he wants to do after is cuddle :)

King of the castle

THE most adorable picture EVAH

Trying to escape the grips of the "mamarazzi"

SUCCESS! I get a kiss!

Well hello!

Doing exactly what he looks like he's doing...

SCREAMING :)

Enjoying the ride

"Imma monstah in a cave mom! Rawr!"

He had to look down....

Monkeyin'

Looks like he's practicinghis modeling skills

And these are totally unrelated!

I had been talking to Michelle over at Mommy Loves Stillettos about

Wheat grass...I actually took a picture for you Michelle, so you could

see what I was talking about, unless of course you already knew what it looked

like, in that case Nm lol

Here it is juiced

ANNNND last but certainly not least, the AMAZINGLY cheap black and pick Converse high tops

that I am in love with!

FIFTEEN DOLLARS @ TJ Maxx!!!! Yeah boy!

God bless me with MORE patience

2010-04-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

I'm downright frustrated. The past three days with Trevor have just been so hard. He's been angry, and I think I know why, I do know how ever know how to deal with it. Trevor's father and I somewhat share custody. He's at his father's house Tuesday night from about 7 until Friday when I pick him up around 6 so you could say he's with his father about 3 days a week. Up until October of last year my ex and I still lived together. This is a long story, we broke up mid year in 2008... and continued to live together up until September 2009....this was NOT an agreeable situation...reguardless of whether I was truely happy or not, I would not have made the choice to spilt, He "fell out of love" and not more than a couple months later was with a girl he worked with. I, and I should say Trevor as well, went through the entire getting over process with the situation at hand right in my face.

We stayed living together because I was not able to be out on my own...I was financially dependent on him, and the apartment we shared was the only thing I really had....my only safety zone for my self and my son. Until we got evicted right after Christmas. And that's how I wound up where I live now. My room mate was my ex's friend and I was accquainted with him through my ex. After being evicted my ex learned my roomate had a couple extra rooms. He took one I took the other, Trevor slept in my room. We continued to live together until September, when he moved out and got married to the same girl he left me for. We will not get into the emotional havoc that was wreaked on me through all of this, we'd be here all night. That part is locked away deep in my vault to never be gone through again. I learned SO much through all of this and we'll leave it at that. However, I was not the only one going through all of this, Trevor was also, but one thing he always had was my ex and I in the same house, even if we weren't together. He loves his father so much, and the back and forth has had an affect on him.

The past couple weeks I've noticed Trevor being just downright defiant... he doesn't want to listen, he'll flat out tell me "No" when I ask him to do something, and the temper tantrums are back. Now I asked myself what was different in his environment...things here are the same...things with the ex not so much, wifey is preggo and he's taken up a night job. So if the ex is at work during the day, and at work at night that leaves Trevor with wifey all day, and not seeing his father much. I first noticed there was really something wrong when Trevor told me " I don't love her, she's not my mommy"...now don't get me wrong, I actually LIKED that he said this...BUT, the big BUT....I don't want the environment there to be unhealthy or for him to not want to be there. And as hard as it is for me to say this, I WANT Trevor to love her.

Now on to the tantrums... these aren't just any tantrums...these are screaming bloody murder, scratching, and hitting. And in public. On my side of the story its downright embarassing...I get looks from people like "Jeeze lady, control your kid" And in all actuality I'm TRYING, not to control him, but calm him down. Three HORRIBLE tantrums in three days...I'm exhausted, and me getting as angry as I do when he's just as angry does not help....and it for sure does NOT help the situation for us both to be crying...because that's what I do... I cry right along with him... I reach a breaking point, not only from feeling embarassed, but BECAUSE I feel embarassed. And because I have no idea what to do, or how to fix it. I blame myself. WHAT AM *I* DOING WRONG?! (he's NOT like that all day everyday)

My first approach is the negative and positive reward system...which I enforced yesterday by taking away his favorite toys and not giving them back until this morning. Only to have them taken away again. When he was behaving he got a popscicle, as a reward. And now I cross my fingers. And pray that I can get through to him, and hope that in having a conversation with my ex, and maybe wifey, that they'll be able to help me. Because I feel like maybe he's getting what ever he wants there...I've always been the disciplinarian, and I always will be...it's much easier to give into him when he's throwing a fit, than it is to stand your ground. Which is exactly why I think I've been emotionally drained as well. I'm standing my ground.

I'm going to end this with something a man told me on Sunday as we were leaving church. Trevor didn't want to leave Sunday school.... god must have really spoken to him that day because he was screaming the whole way out. And just as I managed to get him buckled into his booster with out him ripping out one of my eyeballs, I stood up outside the door and he let out one last ear peircing scream....parents, you know the one....and I just let my head fall back, took a deep breath and fought back tears. The owner of the car next to me opened his car door, and before he sat down, said:

"God bless you for the patience you have"

And I definitely thank god for that patience...even though I feel like I lack.

My favorite things

2010-04-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

This week's installment of My Favorite things is going to be about Music, more specifically my Favorite songs...with the amounts of diffferent music I like, there is NO WAY I could make a list of my all time favorites...I'm thinking Favorite songs with have to be a repeated list. Music to me is like a sound track to my life....I'm always singing SOMETHING and songs always transport me back to a specific time and place as if i were actually there... Each song name has a link to You Tube so you can rock out with me, or skip if you chose to!

1. Benny and the Jets- Elton John: Oh god I love this song, you will catch me singing this song on a daily basis, and faghettaboutit if the song comes on the radio or something...you're gunna get embarassed because I WILL be singing and dancing and making funny faces while I'm doing it. There is a reason why it's the song you are probably listening to as I'm typing this seeing as how its the first on my play list!

2. Cover of the Rolling Stone- Dr. Hook: This song not only cracks me up but it totally makes me want to dance around... I was introduced to this song by my more of a hippie than I friend, Jenna...and I will never listen to it aand not think of every single time it was on while we were driving and making fools of ourselves clapping and dancing around. I call her "My freaky old lady" because of this song!

3. Forever Loving Jah- Bob Marley: We will not get started on my love for Bob Marley, we'll never get to the end of it, I love this song because when you watch the video you can see and hear the heart he's putting into it....I am instantly mellow every time.

4. Teach your Children Well- Crosby, Stills and Nash: I remember my dad listening to this song when I was just a little girl... I have my father to thank for all my musical tastes, I grew up listening to classic rock suck as this, music is just not the same today!

5. Couldn't love you more- Sade: Sade can sing a love song like no bodie's business, hers are songs that with other put me in relax mode, her voice is beautiful....I couldnt love this song more if I tried!

6. Come Monday-Jimmy Buffett: I'm a Parrot head are you? Again, I have a flash back to 1990 my dad drink in hand, drunk of course, and blasting this song while he was cooking dinner...any Jimmy song immediately takes me back to my childhood...sometimes the memories are good sometimes their horrible...but even still these sorts of songs are literally part of who I am.

7. Simple Man- Lynard Skynard: My list just would not be the same with out some Skynard... I used to sing this song to Trevor when he was a lil guy... I want him to be a simple kind of man...and to take his time and not live too fast!

8. Peaceful easy feeling- The eagles: I got a peacful easy feeling listening to this song, and I do everything time... This is one of my best relaxation songs, it takes me to another place. (you have to watch the video, you'll appreciate it if you're an eagles fan!)

9. My kind of Lover- Billy Squire: Oh god...steering wheel pounder, practically screaming while Im singing, stereo blasting when this song comes on!

10. I'm on Fire- Bruce Springsteen: This song is haunting, and gives me goosebumps...another one of those songs, where I can just close my eyes and be in another place.

I hope you all enjoy these, like I said in one of my desciptions, these songs are very much a PART of who I am, literally from being a small child to now. I love and adore music, especially the songs I listed, and there WILL definitely have to be another My favorite things Muic edition!

Love you forever

2010-04-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

"But at night time, when that *three year old was quiet, she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of his bed; and if he was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:"

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

My baby you'll be. "

This picture inspired me to write this post...last night right after taking this, I picked up my 40 pound 3 year old, and just held him while he slept...and of course I stared, how could I not?? This crazy child of mine....this crazy child who I say No, don't or stop to at least 20 times in a day...this crazy child of mine who tried to flush the wrapper to a Spongebob GoGurt down the toilet... this crazy child of mine who while we were in the bathroom at the gym, unfortunately noticed that auntie flow had come in to town, and said "EWWW what is that!?" stumped as to what I was supposed to say, I tell him "It's just a "girl" thing baby". As we are leaving, he stops at the front desk and ~~screamed~~ said to 3 employees "My mommy has a girl problem in her undahweahs" Needless to say I could not get out of there faster. This crazy child of mine, is so amazingly peacful when he sleeps. When he's dreaming of Lightening McQueen, fruit snacks and Hot Wheels.

The quote at the top is from a children's book called 'Love you forever' by Robert Munch...I can remember being read this book when I was a little girl just in elementary school, and even at that age choking back tears, I was an emotional one folks. But really, this book is amazing. For those of you who don't know, its the story of a mother's love. It starts out mother with a brand new baby, and as the baby grows, the book goes through different stages of him growing and wreaking havoc on the house and his mom's nerves. Every night, his mother sneaks into his room, picks up her son, and sings to him:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

My baby you'll be

The story progresses, and the boy is now a man living on his own, she gets a ladder, sneaks into his apartment, and sings to him... the story continues, he gets married and has kid of his own, still she breaks into his house at night, and rocks her giant son in his sleep. At some point his mom is calling to say goodnight, because she's too old to come sneak in, the man drives to his moms house, rocks her in her sleep and sings the same song.

I can't get through it with out crying. And last night I felt the same way. This crazy little ~~child~~ ANGEL of mine....who even if he's driving me nuts, can still melt my heart with just a smile, who will always make me laugh when he runs away from me giggling even though I'm asking him to stop, who will always be a baby even though I'm getting arms like a line backer cause he's so heavy and growing so fast, this sweet little BABY who showers me with kisses every day, and tells me "I love you mommy, you're my he-woah (hero)"

He's MY hero!!

I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be!

I feel so warm and fuzzy!

2010-04-17T10:04:00.000-07:00

I'm taking the time to thank a couple wonderful ladies for blog awards I recieved, one of which I am very, very, veryveryvery long past thanking in a post, I feel like a total turd for not doing this sooner! So I will start with the extremely belated thank you to Michelle over @Mommy Loves Silettos for the Beautiful Blogger award...Michelle is really awesome, she's totally funny, and her blog is one of my most ~~stalked~~ read, It would behoove you to stop by and check her out! (teehee I love that word!)

According to the rules I have to list 7 things you's guys don't know about me so

here we go:

1. I drink wheat grass almost everyday...it's literally grass, like juicing your lawn...not the exact

kind of grass...just go here and read :)

2. Ketchup goes on almost everything...maybe not EVERYTHING, but on alot. Grilled chicken

is a perfect example.

3. I say the word "dude" WAY too much. It can be used as an exclamation, adjective, seriously,

jokingly, everywhich way.

4. I am a True Blood junky. Come June, I will be GLUED to the boob toob on Thursday nights,

with the antcipation of a 5 year old on Christmas morning. I've read the book series the show is

based on a good 6 times, and have seen the first 2 seasons over and over....I may or may not

need an intervention of some sort some time soon. If you don't watch you should, or read the

Sookie Stackhouse series. The first book is a little slow, but I can promise you'll be hooked!

5. My first ever job was at a coffee shop, and ever since then it's been true love. Me and coffee

are likethis, coffee is the first thing I do in the morning...I set a timer, and my coffee is ready for

me in the morning its a glorious thing.

6. I am extremely accident prone...if there's a flat surface somewhere I'll trip on it.

7. I heart Disney Land. I walk into D Land and I am like a little kid. The the very mention in

a conversation with my boyfriend of making a trip to D Land, sne tme into a giggle attack.

Now, on to the 7 bloggers I'm passing this award on to:

Alexis @Depressions and Confessions- Not only is she funny but she's REAL, and honest,

two of my favorite qualities in a blogger

Colette @Jamerican Spice- Colette and I go way back, she's an amazing woman, and she loves

to dance! She's got an swesome blog, and you should check it out!

Leanne @My home and my hips are both double wide- She's SO sweet and funny, and I love

reading her blog because its so positive...makes me smile!

Ericka @Alabaster Cow- This blog is like a good book, which makes sense because she's a writer.

it's always a good time at Ericka's and the name of her blog is awesome, and she's got a cute baby

under a couch on her header, its the best!

Drama Mama @The Scoop on poop- She tells an awesome story, and has some great guest bloggers...

one of my newer discoveries that I'm glad to have discovered. She's also super funny, love her!

Chelle @It's a Hooah Life-this girl is tough...she just finished a long road trip with 4 kids and a couple

animals I think, in a moving truck, ALL BY HERSELF. Some of the stories she told, oh my... she's a supah star!

Beth @Just me and my life- Beth cracks me up, she's totally sassy and I love her rants and raves. Not only that

but she's got a little goof ball in her just like me!

I recieved the happy 101 award from Lucy @ Lucille in the sky, would you look at the name
of her blog? Its the same as one of my fave songs EVER! Lucy is great, and she's one of my favorite new dicovories, thanks so much Lucy!!!!

Here are the rules of the award:

1. copy and paste the award on your blog.

2. list who gave the award to you and use a link to her/his blog (or hyperlink).

3. list 10 things that make you happy.

4. pass the award on to other bloggers and visit their blog to let them know about the award.

10 things that make me happy

1. My son and everything about him

2. I hot cuppa Joe...maybe with a couple of shots of espresso in it

3. Working out. Especially when I see results!

4. My boyfriend ALWAYS puts a smile on my face

5. Frozen yogurt

6. Rainy days, but only if I can get a big comgy blanket

and a good movie or book to go with it!

7. Beautiful sunny days, but only if there's a cool breeze

and a tank top involved.

8. Trader Joe's...I love that place and all of their food.

9. A GREAT classic rock song, such as Ramble On by Led Zepplin

10. Make up stores like Mac or Sephora...I'm like a kid in a candy

shop, especially when it comes to eyeshadows!

And now for the bloggers I am passing this award on to... Every one of these bloggers

just simply makes me happy, no need for any other description besides the fact

that I smile when I read! These are my absolute faves!

Julie @ Brown Eyed Belle

Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos

Debbie @ Suburb Sanity

Sarah @ Lady Mama

Kelley @ Kelley's family Jewels

Kerri @ Kerri's clutter

Love you to the moon mommy

Well that's if folks, my little award ceremony is coming to a close, I hope you'll check these girls out, they are all

very very deserving of an award!! Love you guys!! And thank you for making me happy!!!

I was touched...

2010-04-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

This is just going to be a quick post, as I am practically running out the door to go to the gym and just getting off work, but I wanted to thank each and every one of you amazing people who read and or commented on yesterdays blog post.

I sat and read your comments with a box of tissue in tow, because the more I read the more I cried. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of support and kind words you all wrote, and you can't imagine how much your words meant to me!!

I thought about you all today and it brought a smile to my face, you touched my heart beyond what I can explain!

I was so nervous to write that post, mainly because that meant I was being vulnerable, I'm always afraid of putting myself out there and getting shot down, for lack of better words. Which is why I think I'm always trying to be so funny and light hearted, all SMILE SMILE SMILE, because If I'm funny I don't have to be vulnerable. But you guys....wow. THANK YOU!!!!! Thank you for embracing me in my vulnerability and uplifting me!

I appreciate you all SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!! And big hugs! Even though I wish i could do it in person!!!

Being a single mom

2010-04-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

I'm double posting today....if you want to see my original post-it note tuesday post click here.

Two things happened this week that I feel have given me strength or insight or I don't know, a different point of view on my situation. I went to church for the first time in years and I read this blog post, by a girl who continually inspires me, and makes me smile. But before I get to either here's a little back ground info.

I met my son's father in October of 2005, I was a waitress living with my father, working for no reason other than making payments on a car that soon after got repoed, and to pay a very small amount of rent... I partied, and lived life like things would never be different. February of 2006 I was pregnant. Life took a very serious turn. Our very new and very not stable relationship turned into something that neither one of us was ready for. I had dreams that he and I would raise our child together and there would be nothing that would tear us apart. BEACAUSE of our son. I was foolish. And in denial. Now, don't misunderstand me. My son was NOT the reason he and I didn't work. We were not meant to be. I ignored the warning signs in the beginning of our relationship, warning signs that should have sent me running, but I didn't. Now maybe this was a case of devine intervention...god wanted me to be there, maybe I was meant to go through that so I could be the person I am today.

I am now 26, and the mother of a wonderful little boy who has taught me so much, who has changed my life, and my reasons for doing things. The mother of a little boy, who wakes up every morning I am with him, and whether I'm really awake or not, says "Good morning mommy, I missed you" Now if that aint a blessing then I don't know what is. My son. Is a BLESSING! But I do struggle sometimes with being a single mother. I see families with their kids, mom and dad happily married. Maybe theyre well off, maybe they struggle, but the one thing they have is a support system in the form of eachother. I struggle with the fact that I am on my own...its just me and myself, making sure MY little family stays together. The world is on my shoulders. Sometimes I feel SO alone. Even if I know I'm not, it's hard sometimes being the kid who can't go outside and play when they're watching all of their friends doing it. I won't lie when I FEEL the stigma attatched to single mothers... it's in people's reactions when I'm asked a question like "Do you and your husband both work" and my answer is "I was never married, and no, his father and I are not together" I see the judgement in some peoples eyes, but I cannot change the fact that I like so many, am a single mother. This is my life, my son is my reason for living, and I WOULD NOT be the person I am today with out him. That does not, however, mean that it isn't tough, or that I don't get down on myself. I rent a room, I do not have a college degree, and I am un-married. All things that I will struggle through changing. I WILL go to school. I WILL have a cute little place for my boy and I one day. And who knows, maybe one day I WILL be married.

Now on to the 2 things that happened this week.... I have been feeling the need for something in my life...My boyfriend was the main encouraging factor to me going to church. He wanted me to be more in touch with my self and god. And the more we talked about it the more I felt like god was tugging at my heart strings... "Sarah, go to church, reconnect with me, PLEASE." Last sunday I went, trevor went to his little sunday school class, and it was just me and the man upstairs. I had no friends with me, or people that I knew there. Just my long lost friend God. I can't tell you how it felt. I felt comfortable, safe and I felt rejuvenated. The pastor was reading through Acts 6, where the Grecian jews were complaining to the Hebraic jews that their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food, back in these days if you were a widow with no sons to help support you, you were destitute. You had no one. The pastor went on to say that there were grecian men appointed to fix the problem. To make sure that these women were not alone. He then said, " By saying the word "widow", I do not only mean, "your husband died". I am speaking to the single mothers out there. You are NOT alone."

These were the words I needed to hear. I thanked him after the service, and he in turn thanked ME.

On to the second thing...I've told you guys about this girl before...Kandee Johnson. Her blog posts are always SO uplifting, her words put a smile on my face, and sometimes bring a tear to my eye. Her post today about being a single mother, was another thing I needed. I am going to quote her here and you'll see why:

"Just when I thought that my dreams were slipping away from me even more, little did I know, that all the steps that I thought were going backwards.....God was actually pulling me back, just like a "catapult" or slingshot....(they have to go backwards....but then they launch whatever they're holding...so far ahead of anything else!)....to put me in a place that even I didn't know I could dream of.

I could touch people's hearts, encourage their dreams, and give hope to precious hearts that feel like all hope is gone. I can be a friend, someone, maybe one voice that can keep your dreams alive.
If you are a mama, and feel like you can't accomplish your goals....first, being a mom is the most amazing, honorable thing you'll ever do. It doesn't matter what people say about you or tell you, I've heard some of the most ridiculous things that people have said to me or about me...but the one thing is, God knows the truth, he knows what he has waiting for each one of us!"

Maybe *I* could do the same.... never stop working towards my goals, maybe *I* could be the strong one and encourage fellow single mama's that they are NOT alone, and they CAN and will reach their goals. Hers and pastor Peter-john's words touched me. And things are going to start happening for me. Maybe not right away, but they will. I just have to keep trying, keep inspiring myself, keep smiling.... keep LIVING.

Ladies, if one or any of you are a sinlge mama, you are NOT alone....I want you to know that I am HERE. We can help eachother. I will be there to encourage you, and tell you over and over if need be, that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. That you can reach your dreams, that you can acheive your goals.... I (along with god if you want) will be your kandeeJohnsonPeter-John!! Here's my hand...I'm reaching out if you need me!!!

Sometimes all you need is a little inspiration!!!!

Post-it Note Tuesday!

2010-04-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

Its time for another installment of Supah Mommy's Post it note tuesday! AND she really is Supah dee dupah....no really. Check her out, You won't be sorry!

And in closing, my favorite "very wise man" said something that I want to share with y'all ....

"Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it."

Mark Twain

I am going to do this today....today WILL be a BEAUTIFUL day! Today I will SMILE! Today I will LAUGH! Today I will drag my thoughts away from my troubles!!!

have a WONDERFUL day!!!!!!!

My favorite things Monday

2010-04-12T09:48:00.000-07:00

Guess what today is!!! It's Monday, and that means its time for My Favorite things! I spent alot of time thinking about what the theme for today was going to be, and when I woke up this morning pining for scrambled eggs and turkey bacon, I decided I should post about FOOD. Food and I are likethis. As the eldest daughter of a very talented cook, I was exposed to a very wide variety of flavors from a young age...there is really not much I won't eat, and alot of my tastes aren't fancy, just good old food! So here they are, in no particular order:

In n Out Double double Animal Style

Double double= dbl cheeeeze dbl meat

Animal Style= grilled onions, extra special sauce, lettuce, tomatoes,

grilled onions and extra pickles.

I have a foodgasm just looking at this, I CRAVE this like you

don't even know.... In n out, which Im sure some of you may

have heard of is a family owned fast food restuarant, and they have

an extremely small menu, everything is DELICIOUS. And they

cut their french fries in the restuarant...no nasty frozen crap.

A double double animal style is my own personal little

slice of heaven!

Dana Bagel

This crunchy little love is on the menu where I work...

in this case its on an everything bagel, toasted twice and scooped out.

Cream cheese, avocado and Lemon pepper. But it's a special KIND

of lemon pepper, I could tell you but of course I'd have to kill

you afterwards. The Lemon pepper MAKES this bagel. And

it's OHHHHH SOOOOO DELICIOUS!!!!

Grandma's Meatloaf

This picture is NOT my grandma's meat loaf....

but since I don't have a picture it will just have to do.

I have been eating and LOVING my grandmother's meatloaf

my whole life. She just stopped asking me what I wanted to

eat when I'd go to visit her, because she knew what the answer

was going to be. Even to this day, she has a loaf ready when I

visit. On holidays, it's turkey, ham, taters and a meatloaf.

I'm drooling. You remember the quote from 'A christmas

Story'? "Meatloaf smeatloaf, double beatloaf, I HATE meatloaf!"

Shooooot, I would snatched up that kids plate and eaten it all up!

Potatoes

I love Potatoes every which way possible...and in ANYTHING

possible... hashed, mashed, roasted, fried, salted, sliced, diced,

in soup, on a plate...ANYWHERE. Smothered in ketchup in most cases.

Mashed with gravy and mixed with peas and corn might be my all time fave.

There's even a song about Potatoes.

Shrimp

"Anyways, like I was sayin', Shrimp is the fruit of the sea.

you can barbque it, broil it, boil it, bake it, sautee it. Dey's uh

shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried,

stir fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper

shrimp. Shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes,

shrimp burger, shrimp sandwhich...that-that's about it."

-Bubba

Breakfast

I love breakfast foods...this picture is to me the perfect breakfast.

I would only make slight variations with the eggs. But we'll be talking about

eggs in a minute. Bacon, sausage, and toast to sopp up the yolks...throw in

some hashbrowns and I'm on it like swimwear. As for the eggs, scrambled,

over easy, or poached I love them...and all of these foods combined

create one big food, because if I were eating this the whole plate

would be mixed together and smothered in ketchup, as i mentioned

before. And biquits with gravy are welcomed with this dish as well!

Golden Spoon Frozen yogurt

On a hot summer day, there is NOTHING better

than a chocolate malt and cake batter with yogurt chips, or

chopped almonds, oooh or maybe chocolate sprinkles.

It doesn't even have to be summer, I'll sit there and shiver

through my fro yo I love it so much.

'Wahoo's' Grilled Chicken tacos

Wahoo's is known for their delicious fish tacos, only in

california can you get their awesome food. Wahoo's is fresh, and healthy

and their menu options are great. But my drool fest comes from the

grilled chicken tacos, with black beans and rice. Lime squeezed on them

is a must oh and they have to be covered in fresh salsa.

MMMMMM.....

Subway Turkey sandwhich

I can get down on turkey sandwhiches from subway like you wouldn't

believe. These for me are a great go to when all want is an In n Out Double

double, and I don't want to destroy my work out... oh so refreshing and crunchy

and very satisfying. Or in other words I might be a little obsessed!

Disneyland Churros

If you've never had the pleasure I am so very sorry.

Disney land food is AWESOME. And part of going to d land is

feeding your face. They have the best churros ever, there's a churro cart

practically every three feet. Crunchy on the outside, and soft and doughy on

the insde AND packed with cinnamon and sugar. To die for. AND you can

get caramel sauce for dipping!

Now I have to tell you, there are MANY many other foods I love. MANY. But for this list I had to chose the ultimates. I can't wait to see what yours are! So link up, and grab some paper towels because you'll need them to wipe the drool from your chin!

Don't forget to grab the button from the right side of my blog and post it somewhere in you "My favorite things" post, anf if you need to click it and it will direct you to the instructions page!

Have a GREAT day all!!

Friday Fragments

2010-04-09T22:04:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the week again, same bat time, same bat channel....remember old school Bat Man? The ridiculously campy, afternoon Bat Man, with Adam West...I LOVED THAT SHOW!

I seriously digress....Its the time of the week where I spew my most random thoughts, along with Ms.4444 over at Half Past Kisssin' Time, the home of Friday Fragments...Link up!

****Can we say crazy earth quake on EasterSunday?! The biggest in Mexico or California since 1992 when we had a 7.3.. Sunday's was a 7.2...and for someone who's lived in Cali my whole life, earthquakes are somewhat of a normal thing... an earthquake hits and well all just stand there and wait for it to end...but I won't lie, this one was a wee smidgen tricky... and lasted almost a whole minute...insead of standing there waiting for it to stop in 20 seconds, I was gripping the counter asking myself if it was GOING to end and it was Trev's 1st big one...now my boy is a true Californian!

****The Lilies STILL smell ridonkulous, I walk in the door and can't help but inhale...I could so just wear one around all day!

****My grandmother has a huge Tangerine tree in her back yard, and spring has sprung, the weather is warming up...the reason why this is signifigant is, citrus trees don't do so hot fruit wise during the spring and summer, but during the winter they they fill to the brim. This particular tree gives the most delicious, sweet, juicy Tangerines you could possibly even dream of. I have memories of Thanksgiving and Christmas, going out to the old Tangerine tree and just standing out there for an hour feeding my face. You DO NOT EVEN KNOW. I learned how to pick the best and seedless ones, and that sometimes the BEST best ones are the ones that fell off the tree and ripened in the Escondio sun for a day. I am eating one of the last few good tangerines of the year.... but boy oh boy, are they worth the wait!

That's right. INSIDE the tree!

****Work was insanely busy this week...its spring break, unseasonably warm for the time of year, and absolutely gorgeous. A killer combination for the Dana Point Harbor... The kind of comination that gives you a one-two punch and leaves your knocked on your ass with business. Which, is a GOOD thing, it's just exhausting. AND it's tourist time. The harbor is a trap, one big, beautiful tourist trap. Sometimes I like and sometimes I don't...depends on the day and the tourist. The upside is that I meet people from all over the world, and it's pretty awesome on a good day! As for it being busy, it's only going to keep getting busier, so I'm sure you'll be hearing about it!

****I haven't blogged since Tuesday, I feel like such a slacker...wed-fri are crazy busy for me and are the days my honey and I spend with eachother, my real work week Friday is tomorrow....and then I get to bask in the greatness of days off, time to actually read blogs with out days to catch up on, gym time... where I make the stair climber say my name, time to maybe write a post or 2 or 5 (not really but I might try) and with out a doubt do morning cartoons, cuddles, turkey bacon and eggs, and Spongebob with my boy. Seriously the best.

I really hope every one of you had a SUPER week, I was happy ALL week and I really hope you all were too!!!

Don't forget to SMILE. I don't know about you, but it helps me!!!

Post-it Note Tuesday

2010-04-06T12:51:00.000-07:00

Head on over to Suapah mom's and link up! You know you want to!

My favorite things Mondays

2010-04-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

I've done a couple posts so far on My favorite things...where I list 10 of my favorite things in a certain catagory of fun shenanigans, I kept telling myself I was going to do it every week and just haven't. I decided tonight that I am going to start my very own little day, where all of you wonderful people can link up and do it with me every week!

And hence, My favorite things Monday has been born!

The rules are simple:

Every monday morning I will pick a category....It could be anything from Music to Make up....Cleaning products to Creatures.

You list 10 of your favorite things in that category.

Smile...a big cheesy one that is.. because you get to talk about the things you love the most.

And lastly Link up, Grab the button and put it somewhere in your post, it will link back to this page.

It's time for Friday Fragments!

2010-04-03T00:44:00.000-07:00

If you're a regular reader of my blog, which I certainly hope you are, you know every Friday I jump on Mrs. 4444's Friday Fragments band wagon. Love Fridays because I have so much floating around in my head at any given time, a full blown post is just going to come out fragmented..... hence.... the name....yeah..... ANYWAYS.

****I am officially obsessed with the perfume I got from my hunny for my birthday. Givenchy 'Hot Couture'. It smells like nothing I've ever worn, or smelled on anyone else. It really is fantastic. A little sweet smelling, with a hint of Jasmine and vanilla....*drooooool*

****After missing a week of work due to the whole MRSA incident, I was THRILLED...literally, to be back to work. I'm pretty sure my co workers might have thought I was still loopy off of pain meds, coming back all happy with a stoopid grin smeared on my face. But really, I was just so happy to have the social interaction that I love so much about that job, all of my friends are there, and I have awesome regulars and some pretty cool customers...that, and I can see the ocean from 50 feet away from the front door!!

****Trevor got the movie 'Bolt', actually my boyfriend bought it for him, which I thought was pretty sweet....but the point I was getting at was that I think my head might just explode if I watch it another time...my son LOVES it. It's the ONLY thing he wants to watch, he wants to hold the DVD box and look at it while he's watching the movie, and the second the credits roll he's coming back for more. I'm starting to think an intervention is due.

****I turned 26 this past Sunday.... for some reason this was an odd one for me..I'm closer to 30 than I am 20... I know, I know....I need to shut my trap. I was told that numerous times last week before *the day* crept up on me.... However, I did really have a great birthday in the end.... can't wait to turn 27 25 next year!

****I had posted a while back about the fact that I had accquired 2 cats from my sister, which was supposed to be temporary, and it began to seem more permenant...which was not something I was really freaking out about...untill one of them (both Females only one fixed) went into heat....I honestly wanted to scream half the time.... I could not handle the Howling, purring and meowing, sometimes all through the night and early morning.... 4 am is not an hour I want to be woken up by a cat meowing for some nookie. And yes, I know its my own fault for not making sure they were BOTH de-hornied before I took them, and its just her instinct... but damn, could you imagine if WE acted like that??? I digress....after being down with the sickness, and the in heat cat...and the food and the litter, and my son chasing them as though it was his job in life, I decided it was just too much.... my sister had to find somewhere else for them and they were picked up... I felt bad...especially when they're looking at me like "What did we do?" BUT it's a big load off my shoulders, and I know they're going somewhere safe.

**** I got a disease....and the only cure, is MORE COWBELL! No really... I got a disease, or an addiction rather to Kandee Johnson...She's a celebrity makeup artist out of LA, and seriously this girl is just downright inspirational....she's got such a GREAT and happy, sunny attitude...not only that but she's uber talented. She does make up tutorials on You Tube, and her channel is just jam packed with fun videos, and makeup tips... I really love her alot. Just sayin. I can promise you that the videos are worth your time, and you will want to keep watching them, all of them....you might even stay up past midnight like I did watching them! Check out her You Tube channel and her Blog of course!

Lastly and not Neccessarily a fragment, Have a wonderful Easter! I'm not sure I'll be able to blog before then, so I wanted to make sure each and everyone of you made sure to enjoy it!!

Im sorry, I just totally almost fell out of my chair laughing at this...

You have GOT to check out Anne Nahm's 'Secret Life of Peeps' series...

I almost peed myself reading them. This picture totally reminded me of it!

Post-it Note Tuesday

2010-03-30T11:28:00.000-07:00

It's time for this week's installment of Post-it Note Tuesday... hosted by none other than Supah mom, This is a really fun way to post and I think you should visit her blog, take a look around and link up! :)

I hope you enjoyed, and have a super fantastic day!!!!

Getting to know you Sundays

2010-03-28T23:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I recently started following a blog called Mann Land 5, the writer Keely is so cute and funny, needless to say I just really enjoy the patootie out of her blog. Every week she does 'Getting to know YOU' Sundays, and I just done did joined. I've seen Julie from Blue Eyed Belle (another adorable favorite of mine, you simply must read!) do it a few times, along with Keely obviously :)

So without any further adieu, here's my first Getting to know YOU!

1 - Why did you start blogging?
   What a great question....no really. I mean we all start blogging for a reason, maybe more than one. Some want to teach, some need an outlet, some want to spread the word about a certain cause. There are photo blogs, mommy blogs, crafting blogs, sex blogs, funny blogs, running blogs. The list could go on...but the one thing each one has in common is that the writer is sharing something about them and their lives. For me it's the same. I guess for me I write to break the "stereotype" for lack of better words, of single moms. My shenanigans are so not the normal shenanigans. I hope to make people laugh, and to maybe just make someone smile while they read, as well as it being an outlet and a way for me to share part of my life with you. Yes, YOU!

2 - Who's the one blog friend that you would want to meet most in "real life"?
As much as I'd like to meet all of my bloggy buddies, Julie at Brown Eyed Belle is just so damn cute, and she would be a very fun person to be around you can just tell, oh and she's got a cute puppy dawg AND a southern drawl!

3 - Why are you always concerned with losing that "extra 10 pounds" when chances are your husband/boyfriend/friends tell you that you look just fine the way you are?
Wow, these questions are gettin' mad deep yo... It does not matter how many times someone tells you that you look fine, you aren't going to believe it until you believe it about YOURSELF. That person is gunna be busier than a one legged man in a kicking contest if you don't have that self confidence. And I know this from first hand experience. YOU are your toughest critic. And I for one am always up for losing 10 pounds!

4 - What's the one thing you wish guys could understand about you?
   Hmmm...I'm a very outspoken person, I am always making sure I am understood, and I am not scared to explain myself. This is totally situational for me and I just can't come up with an example right now, I got nuffin'!

5 - Tattoos. How many do you have and how many are visible when you wear your "everyday" clothes?
I have NONE...although I do want one. And there is only one thing I could think about that I'd want ground into my skin permanantly and that's my son's name, most likely ony my wrists.

6 - What was the best year of your life and why?
Hands down Nov. 15th 2006...the day the light of my life was expelled from my uterus. He is the most wonderful thing to have graced me with his presence..he changed me and my life forever, and in a GREAT way. I LIVE because of that day, I BREATH because of that day, I SMILE because of that day, I LAUGH, LOVE and am the person I am today, because of THAT DAY.

7 - Name three things you would do if you were a man for one day.
Scratch my ganoids. Taunt helpless woman with my man muscles. Walk around with out a shirt on.

8 - What's your alcoholic drink of choice that usually raises a few
eyebrows?
Ahhhh....we're looking for answer such as 'Slippery Nipple', 'Blow Job', or "A sex on the Beach'....I am just not really into drinks that have names representing, sexual positions, or explicit body parts...give me a Kettle one Collins, or a Corona with Salt and Lime and I'm a happy girl. And thats IF. I'm drinking. Which is not often at all these days, if ever.

                                        This was fun....and I really think you should try it...Just sayin'!

Friday Fragments Folks!!!

2010-03-26T15:18:00.000-07:00

Well here we are again people, its time for Friday Fragments...this has been a VERRRRRA VERRRRRA long week for me... Friday Fragments is the perfect way for me to get back into my poor neglected blog, and bloggie buddies! Including Ms. 4444 who as you may already is the origin of FF, go show her some lovins!

****I am finally starting to recover from this nasty craptastic sickness...I was actually HUNGRY last night...which is big because I've lost close to 10 lbs. in the last week or so what with being weak and having NO appetite...I knew I'd thank my awesome boyfriend for force feeding me, it really helped me get better faster, and he was there for me every step of the way. This is still not over, and I have a good week if not longer until everything heals comtpletely, BUT thank god I'm on my way! I'll be back to my sassy self in no time!

****A day or so before I got knocked on my ass with this nastyness (which would actually be last week, but lets say for shits and giggles its this week) I saw 'Cop Out'...It was hilarious. However, Bruce Willis just doesn't do comedy as well as his bang bang shoot 'em up action movies...I would recommend waiting for DVD.

**** I got the most adorable beach clothes for Trev today at Target...god love that place! They have a Paul Frank line for the kiddies, and I've always loved PF....the CUUUUUTEST stuff!!! I very strongly suggest you check it out! Here's what I got him:

****I've missed a whole week of work....which will in fact wreak havok on my finances...but I'll figure it out as I always do!

**** Can I just say how effin happy I was to see my boy today!? He lights up my life with that big smile of his! I helped create the most adorable, sweet, happy little monkey butt ever! And I am increasingly proud of him--its an honor to be his mommy!

****Oh crap. I turn 26 on Sunday. AHHHHH!

That is all for today, I hope you all had a wonderful week, and are having a FANTASTICAL Friday!!!

Sickness and blog awards

2010-03-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

       Well guys....first off thank you to all of my new followers, and for all of the awesome comments! I really means alot to me!!! Really really! I love you all!

            Second. I am really sick... I found out I have MRSA yesterday... this started last week with one pimple like bump and it spread like wild fire...I sent my son to his fathers house yesterday and went straight to the ER, was given strong antibiotics and was told that in about 5 days the infection would start to clear....FIVE DAYS?!?! That doesn't include the healing of the sores. I simply will not go into detail, but If you've ever had it, you know, it HURTS. I am nauseous, I have a fever, the lymphnodes in my body are swollen and painful, and all I want to do is sleep...its the only thing that takes my mind off of it. I will definitely not be working this week, as MRSA is highly contagious...I am supposed to pay rent out of this paycheck....ugh.   Long story short...besides crying, sleeping, washing everything I wear and Lysol-ing EVERYTHING I don't feel much like doing anything else...meaning my blog has taken the back seat... I just can't right now... I am not too sure how long it will be until I can... the rest of the week for sure. Hopefully I will still have all of you lovely, wonderful, AWESOME followers still checking back! This whole situation is especially discouraging for me right now, because I just finished my antibiotics from the nasty kidney infection I had week before last! This is just really hard for me...I never get sick...and I feel like I've been bed ridden for 2 weeks....its too much. Pray for me.

       Third....Thank sweet baby Jesus for Julie over at Brown Eyed Belle for the blog award she gave me! Between logging on to find new comments, new followers AND blog award, I feel like my day has been made, again, Thank you!!!!!!

Look how cute...

I love it!

Ok, time to go crawl back into my little hole, and attempt to sleep...I hopefully the antibiotics will really work well and I'll be up and moving and able to blog more...you all have a wonderful day and wish me luck! *hugs*

Post-it Note Tuesday

2010-03-16T11:20:00.000-07:00

I've been seeing this all over the place...and for a damn good reason. I finally found the origin of "Post-it note Tuesdays". Supah Mommy's blog is awesome! No wonder people love it so much... I love this idea...

*No, don't and stop!*

Like a kid

Do what inspires you and be happy.

The road to inner peace

The Kickboxing Class

For one more day

Encouragement

The update

What does life expect of me?

Undateable

Getting to know YOU and a monumental moment!

Remember me?

It's Like a Fungus

It's Finally Friday!

Super Human Mommy Powers

On a lighter note....Getting to know you Sunday

Metaphorical bullets

Fly by posting....

Monkey minute

I grew the balls

Weeeeeeee!!!

Fragments

Quiet reflection?

Monkey minute

My favorite things: Places to be

Short and sweet Happy Mothers day

SSSS..... or something like it

Facing my Demons

And now for something completely different

Sunday Funday AND Getting to know YOU

Late night Friday Fragments

I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger...

My favorite things Monday: randomized

Monkeyin' around

God bless me with MORE patience

My favorite things

Love you forever

I feel so warm and fuzzy!

I was touched...

Being a single mom

Post-it Note Tuesday!

My favorite things Monday

Friday Fragments

Post-it Note Tuesday

My favorite things Mondays

It's time for Friday Fragments!

Post-it Note Tuesday

Getting to know you Sundays

Friday Fragments Folks!!!

Sickness and blog awards

Post-it Note Tuesday

No, don't and stop!