Monday, June 7, 2010

Undateable

 I was reading the June issue of 'Red Book' while on the bike at the gym, As I flipped to page 170, in the "Down time" Section, I spotted "From the Ha! Files" which showed a book called 'Undateable'-- It's the 311 things guys do to guarantee they won't be dating or having sex...By Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle. They give 4 examples from the book of things guys do (which I'll tell you in a bit) And I honestly almost fell off the bike laughing; Because they're SO true. I think the 40 something fellow gym rat next to me thought I was crazy, 'cause he was looking at me like I had just ripped one or something...anyhoo... I was inspired to do my own, shorter list, of things that personally, make a guy Undateable". If you're one of my few male readers I hope you won't take this too seriously if you so happen to fall under one of the items on my list.  The first four with the stars next to them are the one's my magazine gave.

*1. No "Jorts." The jort is a cross between a pair of jeans and a pair of shorts. They come in a wide variety of styles and lengths, all of which are hideous in any circumstance.

*2. No Fanny packs. There is never an excuse for a fanny pack

*3. No "mandles" with socks. That would be a man sandal worn with socks. You jump to maximum penalty status if you're caught wearing mandles with black socks.

*4. No pleated front pants/shorts. There is no way extra fabric gathered about the waist is helping your cause.

5. No bad hygiene. This includes but is not limited to, B.O, dirty teeth/fingernails/toes/nether regions. Or in other words, brush yo breff and try to make sure you're so fresh and so clean clean. Deodarant works wonders.

6. No being a Dungeons & Dragons/World of War Craft addict. The playing doesn't bother me, it's the rotting on one spot, "building your empire" for 3 days, that does. Refer to #5 for help with this one.

7. No poorly maintained facial hair. Love all different types of face fuzz if worn properly. However, I do not appreciate a forest on your face and being able to smell your last meal on your upper lip... please also refer to #5.

8. No Too-short shorts. Meaning to your knee caps, and just about mid calf only. Please refrain otherwise--even  more so if you have a man short tan (butt white starting mid thigh) cover that up, with shorts that fit properly of course.

9. No sporting monster nose/ear fuzz.  If it can be seen sticking out, please take care of it. No one like a nose Caterpillar.

10. No being "prettier" than me. Frosted tips/MANicures/facials etc. Men should take care of themselves, but there's a line, and frosted tips crosses it. Be at lease a little rugged.

11. No being a sloppy mess. Take at least a little pride in your appearance. A green shirt with holes, too short man shorts, and "mandals" with socks is tore up from the floor up.

12. No "braggy Bobin" it. It does not impress anyone how many reps you did at the gym, or how many inches your truck is lifted, what speakers you have, how many chicks you get, how much money you make, how many beers you drank Etc. Etc. So on and Soooo forth. When will you learn that NONE of that really matters?!

13. No drinking more than you can handle and acting like an idiot afterward.  We all know this happens to everyone sooner or later, but you learn from it, not do it over and over. I do not want to be with someone I have to drag home from the bar smelling like spilled beer and puke.

14. No treating people badly. An impolite man is most definitely someone I don't want to have relations with. I'm not talking "Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and I'm grumpy rudeness". I'm talking USE your please and thank you's, open doors for people (men AND women of course), let that person waiting in while you're on the road if you can, be a good tipper when deserved and be polite to the server. Just general ettiquite is all I ask for. You loose extra brownie points if you're caught chewing with your mouth open.

15. No disrespecting your mama. She busted her ass raising you-- gotta show respect. (certain situations may make this one void) I'm not talking be a mama's boy and have her do laundry for you still, but be close and treat her right.

I don't want to go toooo crazy with this...just for fun... I also do not take credit for the "Undateable" idea...this was just my personal list. Hope you enjoyed!

P.s. There's an actual "Undateable" website....pretty funny. And make sure you watch the video!!!

14 comments:

Jimmy said...

Whew,

I was scared for a minute but after reading the list I think the only thing making me undateable would be my wife Ha Ha

She just may be the reason the list is not a problem too :)

Funny Post actually got a laugh there.

purseblogger said...

This is awesome! I agree with everything on there. :)

Lourie said...

No scratching ANYTHING above the knees or below the waist. Period. I don't need to see that. Do like everybody else and go in the bathroom or hide in a corner. Walk weird, whatever you can do to make it stop itching without actually scratching. Wait. Now weird walking either.

Great post Sarah. I am going to check the site now!

MommyLovesStilettos said...

LMFAO!!! This is hilarious!!!!!!

Mrs Gloves said...

This is awesome!

MommyReview.com said...

Fanny packs are not acceptable... but satchels are... Indiana Jones wears one :P

I'm following you :) Can't wait to read more.
Register on my blog and enter the current giveaway!

The Drama Mama said...

I need to find this article!! Too funny!!!

MoosMamma said...

ROFL... that's priceless : )

Supermanslady said...

Mandals are of the devil!!!

:-)

Kristin said...

How have I never heard of a jort? Ah ha ha!

p.s. Thank you so much for following BonBon Rose Girls! I hope you'll follow us at our new site...we went and got our own .com at: http://www.bonbonrosegirls.com/ Plus, we're hosting lots of fabulous giveaways this month to celebrate our move...Right now we've got two $95 hapari swimsuit gift certificates up for grabs! Hugs, K

Sliding on the Edge said...

I copied your list for future reference.:-)

Debbie said...

I love this list! So perfect.

Mama Hen said...

Yup the fanny pack has no excuse! Pleated pants also! I am here from Blogflow! You have a new follower! Come and vist Mama's Little Chick.

Mama Hen
www.mamaslittlechick.com

Anonymous said...

Flogging Molly. Yes.

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