Saturday, September 4, 2010

The Kickboxing Class

I did a kick boxing class. Whoopdeedoo right? The thing is that I wasn't expecting to do it. I happen to know someone who works at L.A. Boxing. A week ago (more like a month at this point) I went to say "Hi" and check the place out. You know, just be an innocent bystander. Watch and not actually DO. I went in my gym clothes with the intention of leaving there and going to my gym to do the usual work out. I was not expecting my friend to hand me a pair of boxing gloves and show me to a 150 pound punching bag.

Me: I'm not doing this.
Him:  Yes you are.

Me: No, seriously. (Trying to muster up a brilliant excuse) My friend is meeting me at my gym soon! (now I've got him! muahaha)
Him: Oh......well call your friend and tell her you can't make it! You're doing this.

Me: (desperate now) But I'm not in shape enough for this! Do I look in shape enough for this?? (No. no no no no no....I'm not ready!)
Him: Yup you do. (pointing at a girl who was very over weight and there for her first time) Do you think SHE'S in shape enough for this, it's her first time and she's doing it.

I had no rebuttal...he'd beat me at my procrastination game. I'd given in. Practically pushed into getting my butt voluntarily whooped. He then let me in on the fact that the instructor that was going to be teaching my class was notorious for being the toughest. That's just SUPER. In my head I was freaking out. I was sure to meet my doom. He wrapped my hands, introduced me to the devil spawn instructor, told me if I started to feel light headed or anything to stop, get some water and jump back in. Light headed??????  Should I be signing a waiver or something?

Right off the bat we were jogging/sprinting, doing push ups, lunges, jump know, the devil spawn stuff...That was the warm up. I was more like tore up. Turns out they have shirts that read "Your work out is our warm up". I can vouch for that!  To my dismay the class did get harder and more intense. I rather clumsily "two left feeted" my way through and slowly learned the proper way to right hook, knee, upper cut, kick and jab my punching bag into submission, all while music blasted me through the work out. 

At some points I honest to god thought that I was going to die...or puke. I had to stop a couple times for a minute or two to catch my breath...which didn't even seem like it was mine anymore. Every once in a while I'd hear "Craig" the devil spawn instructor yell "Do you hate me yet?! Too slow. Start over! Sprint! Jog! Jump squat!" He finished the trip to hell with a wall squat, that made my legs shake, but I'll be damned I finished it and I wasn't dead, nor did I puke. I DID IT. Not with flying colors, but I finished it down to the last second.

Now the REAL significance of this is that I conquered my fears....Of being laughed at, looking stupid, looking fat/awkward/falling on my face....the list could go was so much more than a question of being "not in shape enough". I came out feeling more confident, more in shape than I thought I was but also learned what I need to work on as well as feeling stronger for pushing through the pain and getting through the class semi unscathed.* I actually THANKED the instructor.

This experience made me think about how many times I've let the fear of failing, being rejected, looking stupid Etc. etc. deter  me from doing what I really wanted. From tackling life's 150 pound punching bags. It's natural to have a matter or fact you should have some amount of fear in some situations...but in others it's all about how you handle it. How you overcome it, and rock the socks off of what ever situation it may be. Sometimes you have to just keeping pushing and pushing yourself through until you get to your goal...or as Michael Jackson was say "Don't stop til you get enough"!

*The semi unscathed part does not include the almost week after the class that I literally was crippled with soreness....even the bottoms of my feet. Yup. Apparently you have muscles in the bottom of your feet, that need some toning.

** And you know I look like a bad mutha trucka with my Lightening Mc Queen and Mater tatoos in that picture....oh yeah, I'm tough!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

For one more day

Have you ever thought about people passed and if they're still with you? Still around making sure you're ok...that they could be in that cold chill, the goosebumps on the back of your neck, maybe a smell that couldn't possibly come from anywhere in your house, a breeze through your hair when they're crossing your mind or even that time when you see someone on the street, and for a split second their smile matches your loved one's and you could have SWORN it was them.

I believe that there are a lot of people "with" me. Each person impacted me in some way, some may not have even known they impacted me at all or how much. They are in my dreams, sometimes the sparkle in a stranger's eye, or like I said, in a sudden gust of a warm breeze over my neck, seemingly whispering to me.  Always when their smiles or a memory pass through my mind.

Recently it's been a lot more frequent, having an out of the blue thought of my Uncle Mike who passed when I was a young girl, the smile that matches my mom's and my own burned into my memory. Visions of my papa sitting at his spot at the head of the table, or standing over his famous spaghetti sauce. My Grampa Jones in his lazy boy, faded navy tattoos, his lap just begging to be jumped on for a cuddle. My friend Nick Zambeck, making me laugh, helping me through hard times he didn't even know I was going through. These memories I've been having so often, sometimes bring tears to my eyes, and make my heart ache in missing them and their precious hearts so much, but mostly I smile in remembrance, and take comfort in the fact that I know I'm being "hugged" when I feel like I'm alone, that my hand is being held through tough times,  in knowing I'm making my Grandpa, Uncle and Friend proud  and that in the moments they're crossing my mind, they're right there with me.

It's so important to cherish these memories, and to keep their memories alive. Each of these people, are one's who in whatever way molded me to be part of who I am today, they taught me something, or many things, were part of my life, my dreams, my heart and soul. 

Part of my inspiration to write this post, came from the book 'For One More Day' by Mitch Albom, the book is somewhat  based on the same idea that your loved ones visit you when you're thinking of them. The man in the book, gets one more day with his mother who passed without his getting to say good bye, and gets to tell her the things he wished he could have. There are so so many times I've wondered what it would be like to have a passed loved one for one more day, for one more hug, for one more laugh, for one more I love you. 
Life is so precious, and so short, and so very fragile... make sure you're loving the people in your life, and letting them KNOW you love them as much as possible.You never know when you might be wishing for one more day!

Friday, July 9, 2010


  I have days where everything is just too much, when every bill isn't paid, money is short and stress is high Shooting through the roof, and I'm crying first thing in the morning, because sleep is the temporary magic eraser of all troubles. You're either going to wake up feeling better, Having "slept on it", or you wake up in a panic because the first things on your sleep clouded mind are the said troubles. The second scenario best describes me this morning. I had no coffee. I slept too much. Yes, TOO much...11 hours... and woke up groggy... (and pretty much stayed that way) Cried before putting my makeup on... I  allowed my self a few minutes...gave myself a pep talk...sucked it up and adjusted my tude (or I tried, It was not fully effective until I drank a large Chocolate Macadamia Nut coffee with a double shot of espresso, a splash of vanilla creamer a splash of not fat and 4 splendas......yup. Coffee snob. At least I make it myself!) And I worked. But I don't know who I was trying to fool, but I was still a wee smidgen grumpy, a little impatient...possibly snappy...but just a little....

I don't like being a in a bad mood... I try to adjust my attitude every day, and put a smile on my face, I can't control what happens through out the day, but I can control my attitude towards the situations that come my way. It's a new trick I learned, and it's made my life much easier all around. And by being positive, I rub off on other people. By smiling at people, and being genuinely happy to talk to them, you spread the positivity to them. It sounds cheesy, but tell you me it works. I don't know about you, but I want someone to make my day with a smile, or some fun small talk, or maybe even a HUG... lord knows I love hugs from anyone, I'll even hug someone I've just met! (hugs are good. Hugs heal, and make you feel warm!) Some times a big smile and a big "Have a GREAT day!!" is all the encouragement someone may need... This day was one of the days, I was needing encouragement and an extra smile... life was too much for a little while and I needed to be reeled back in. Perspective came in a surprising form.

I had a group of customers, two women, and a younger man, who was wearing some kind of heavy brace around his lower back, and had to walk holding a "walker". He seemed like he had been in an accident of some kind, so young and so dehabilitated, I respected him for what he was going through. One of the women with his was his Grandmother, she had come back in and I stopped her and for what ever reason I asked how he had injured himself. His name was Steven and he has severe arthritis in his back and just had major surgery to help. She mentioned something about concrete being put in his spine, and screws... and  It had been 4 weeks since his surgery and he still needed a walker. He was only 32!!  He had a great attitude, and you could tell he was just trying so hard to get better, you could see the drive. I felt so compelled to just go tell him he was doing great, and to not give up. His grandmother also told me he had been very active at one point... I knew deep down that he had to be frustrated. So out I went, I started by telling him how nosey I was, and that I had asked about him... and that I wanted to encourage him. He seemed shocked at first, I'm thinking not many people walk up to him and say "I want to encourage you". But that's why it can be powerful. He'll remember that moment, or I really hope he will.

The thing is, by encouraging Steven , I was encouraged. Does that make sense? By seeing what he has to go through on a daily basis just to walk, humbled me. Things could always be worse! The going gets tough and it's sometimes easy to say "I'll never be able to do ___", "I can't do ___", "How will I ever get through___" Fill in the blanks. Occasionally it can be hard to see things clearly when you're not seeing things clearly. (yes I really said that) I can't imagine losing my mobility, for any amount of time. I should be looking at the things I HAVE not the things I don't. There has to be a positive in the situation...I might not see it now, but I will learn something from this hard time. Steven has to try 2 gazillion x harder every day to live his life and not let his situation consume him. If he can do it, then I can do it.  Steven was an inspiration to me, and even in the worst days you can find something good if you just reach out and try! A special person once told me "Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional". You can choose to wallow in your issues and let your problems consume you and be MISERABLE, or you can pop a smile on that face and be happy for another day!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

What does life expect of me?

It's been a while... 2 weeks actually. I had intended to write this blog post a while ago... but due to lack of inspiration, or fervor for writing, it took the back seat til' now. We had a guest speaker at church a couple Sundays ago that really impacted me. His name was Hyatt Moore, who as well as being an awesome speaker is an amazing artist. (check him out!) This man honestly had me captivated, and I'd LOVE to pick his brain. I really enjoy being inspired, and having someone challenge my ever thinking brain with something I have never mulled over before. And that is precisely what he did...with one question. What does life expect of ME? I've never thought of it that way. I mean, I know I've spent so much time thinking about what I expect from life. I might even expect TOO much from life.

By definition the word "expect" means "To look forward to the probable occurrence or appearance of ___" (fill in the blank) Personally, I've done nothing but expect things from life and I've noticed unfortunately, that with some expectations come disappointment. I expect things to go a certain way and they don't, I expect things from people and I don't get them. I expect expect expect. But the thing is, why expect when you don't really have control over alot of the events that happen in your life? Where do expectations come from? Who sets the bar for these expectations?

But when you turn the question around, it's a whole new ball game. What does the life I've been given expect of ME? It's honestly a tough question. Think about it. If "life" were a person, and was able to express how they thought you should be or do, what would life want?  I've thought a great deal about this, and actually wrote down a few things while I was listening to mister Hyatt speak, and then continued my list which I'll be sharing!

  • Be a good, no scratch that, GREAT, understanding, supportive, and loving mother to my son
  • Actively be a friend to everyone. Offer a smile and an open heart when needed or when not.
  • To LOVE. People, myself, and LIFE.
  • To DO something proactive to make a difference in mine and others' lives
  • Be a good employee
  • Always treat knowledge as a gift.... Its free after all!
  • Be a caring daughter/sister/grand-daughter/niece
  • Spread smiles to people when they don't have one
  • Try to always be a person of integrity
  • Laugh!
  • Be thankful for every single gift I am given (not only in the material form)
  • Constantly have a relationship with god
 Now it's YOUR turn. I'd love to hear what you came up with!

Monday, June 7, 2010


 I was reading the June issue of 'Red Book' while on the bike at the gym, As I flipped to page 170, in the "Down time" Section, I spotted "From the Ha! Files" which showed a book called 'Undateable'-- It's the 311 things guys do to guarantee they won't be dating or having sex...By Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle. They give 4 examples from the book of things guys do (which I'll tell you in a bit) And I honestly almost fell off the bike laughing; Because they're SO true. I think the 40 something fellow gym rat next to me thought I was crazy, 'cause he was looking at me like I had just ripped one or something...anyhoo... I was inspired to do my own, shorter list, of things that personally, make a guy Undateable". If you're one of my few male readers I hope you won't take this too seriously if you so happen to fall under one of the items on my list.  The first four with the stars next to them are the one's my magazine gave.

*1. No "Jorts." The jort is a cross between a pair of jeans and a pair of shorts. They come in a wide variety of styles and lengths, all of which are hideous in any circumstance.

*2. No Fanny packs. There is never an excuse for a fanny pack

*3. No "mandles" with socks. That would be a man sandal worn with socks. You jump to maximum penalty status if you're caught wearing mandles with black socks.

*4. No pleated front pants/shorts. There is no way extra fabric gathered about the waist is helping your cause.

5. No bad hygiene. This includes but is not limited to, B.O, dirty teeth/fingernails/toes/nether regions. Or in other words, brush yo breff and try to make sure you're so fresh and so clean clean. Deodarant works wonders.

6. No being a Dungeons & Dragons/World of War Craft addict. The playing doesn't bother me, it's the rotting on one spot, "building your empire" for 3 days, that does. Refer to #5 for help with this one.

7. No poorly maintained facial hair. Love all different types of face fuzz if worn properly. However, I do not appreciate a forest on your face and being able to smell your last meal on your upper lip... please also refer to #5.

8. No Too-short shorts. Meaning to your knee caps, and just about mid calf only. Please refrain otherwise--even  more so if you have a man short tan (butt white starting mid thigh) cover that up, with shorts that fit properly of course.

9. No sporting monster nose/ear fuzz.  If it can be seen sticking out, please take care of it. No one like a nose Caterpillar.

10. No being "prettier" than me. Frosted tips/MANicures/facials etc. Men should take care of themselves, but there's a line, and frosted tips crosses it. Be at lease a little rugged.

11. No being a sloppy mess. Take at least a little pride in your appearance. A green shirt with holes, too short man shorts, and "mandals" with socks is tore up from the floor up.

12. No "braggy Bobin" it. It does not impress anyone how many reps you did at the gym, or how many inches your truck is lifted, what speakers you have, how many chicks you get, how much money you make, how many beers you drank Etc. Etc. So on and Soooo forth. When will you learn that NONE of that really matters?!

13. No drinking more than you can handle and acting like an idiot afterward.  We all know this happens to everyone sooner or later, but you learn from it, not do it over and over. I do not want to be with someone I have to drag home from the bar smelling like spilled beer and puke.

14. No treating people badly. An impolite man is most definitely someone I don't want to have relations with. I'm not talking "Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and I'm grumpy rudeness". I'm talking USE your please and thank you's, open doors for people (men AND women of course), let that person waiting in while you're on the road if you can, be a good tipper when deserved and be polite to the server. Just general ettiquite is all I ask for. You loose extra brownie points if you're caught chewing with your mouth open.

15. No disrespecting your mama. She busted her ass raising you-- gotta show respect. (certain situations may make this one void) I'm not talking be a mama's boy and have her do laundry for you still, but be close and treat her right.

I don't want to go toooo crazy with this...just for fun... I also do not take credit for the "Undateable" idea...this was just my personal list. Hope you enjoyed!

P.s. There's an actual "Undateable" website....pretty funny. And make sure you watch the video!!!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Getting to know YOU and a monumental moment!

1. If a person has a booger in their nose. and you can see it, do you tell them?
  I honestly had a hard time not giggling while I was reading this question.... Im one of those that thinks words like "boogers" are funny.... and back to my answer.... heck yeah. Well that could actually be a heck nah, if the person is someone I REALLLY don't know at all or if they have what I call "the wall". A person who has "the wall" is someone you might not want to try to engage in light small talk with... such as "Hey dude...just so you know you got a lil' somthin' there, yeah...your nose...nope lil to the left...allllllmost.....yup, ok you got it"

2. What are you passionate about?
Sooooo much! I try to be passionate about everything. I'm very emotionally invested in almost everything I do. To name a few, music, church, my son, friends, love, loving people, being happy the list could go lon and on!

3. How long have you been blogging?
Lets see 8.10.08 is as far as my archives go... but I have not be ACTIVELY blogging since then....

4. What is your favorite "summer" drink?
Hands down a Corona with Lime and salt

5. What is your favorite type of music?
Classic rock or country...but my tastes vary

6. Something I do before I go to bed is......?
Secure my hair and wash my face

7. My Summer vacation plans are...?
Vacation??? what vacation?? I plan on working, and spending time outside with my lil man!
8. My favorite must have, can't live without, beauty product is?
M.A.C Studio fix in NW20

And now for the real icing on the cake! I have reached my 100th follower! I have been waiting for this moment for so long!! Blogging away, and hoping that I'm reaching somebody with my words, days and days of pouring out my heart, and sharing my life with you all. I mean when you get down to the real nitty gritty my followers are essentially who I do this for ( in part) Thank you for all the support, laughs and kind words you've written me. I've had the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people through blogging, and you guys are so much a part of my daily life!!!  And in case you were curious Jenny from The Yankovich 6 Pack was my 100th follower!!!!! Wish I had a prize for you, but maybe you'll accept my sparkling personality as a substitute ;)

And now for a little song... and only because I said "nitty gritty" up there... this goes to show you how my mind works...I say two words and the second I do I'm off and running on something else...ay.

here you go Fishin' in the dark By The nitty gritty dirty band...enjoy!!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Remember me?

I'm the writer of this know, the one who's actually supposed to WRITE stuff. The one who hasn't been writing stuff. It's been I wouldn't say crazy lately, but maybe semi crazy? An adjustment period? With Trevor starting his little Pre school, and my working more my time seems more limited.  Right now is kinda the first time I've actually sat down and really focused on anything blog wise. Poor little neglected blog. I'm listening to some Crosby, Stills and Nash and  being mellow for a while. Just me and bloggy.

I definitely have to dedicate todays post to thanking The Drama Mama over at The Scoop on Poop for the Beautiful Blogger award.... Honestly nothing makes my day more! And another little something to mention is that I'm ONE follower from 100!! This is totally momentous to me!  I digress. I've said this about Drama Mama before, and I'll say it again. You really just HAVE to go read. Just go indulge yourself already!

According to the rules of this award I have to pass this along to 10 super dooper
bloggers and tell you all 10 things you don't know about me.

1. I jump the gun. I'm impulsive. "prone to sudden illogical changes of mind, ideas, or actions"
2. I love me an ice cold Corona with a Lime and salt...deeeeeelishisssss!!
3. I'm a little on the socially awkward side...I always feel odd, for lack of better words
in a group of people I don't know. I gotta really be comfortable around people to
totally be myself....we're working on it.
4. I was going to be Aaron... I was so big my mom though I was going to be a boy.
If I was a boy my name would be Aaron...."Hi, my name is Aaron" That's just weird.
5. I am obsessive compulsive at time with my hand writing... its gotta be perfect. I've
been known to write and re write things for quite some time now.
6. I am a gum fiend
7.  I worry about everything. I worry about worrying... what can I say? I just worry.
8. I'm starting to believe in "fate"
9. Approach with caution if I have not had my cuppa Joe
10. I sleep through earth quakes

And now on to the deserving recipients of the award

If you read my posts regularly, you may  or may not notice that I give awards out to some of the same people every time...That's cause they're the BOMB. And because I'm a creature of habit...habitually.  Hope you all have a  good great wonderful  SUPER-FANTASTIC DAY!!!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

It's Like a Fungus

My cell phone.....which died yesterday afternoon, and stayed dead the WHOLE day, night, and now will be dead for most of the morning and possibly early afternoon, I've realized is like a a friggen growth. A fungus if you will... always attached to me... as if my life will certainly depend on what ever phone call or text I will just so happen to get. I was forced to not used my phone yesterday because I had forgotten my charger at work, and even though I had been at work eating yesterday with Trevor, I got home looking to charge my phone and only THEN did I realize where I had left it. I panicked at first...thinking "Oh my  gawwwwwd what if there's an emergency!!?? What will I EVER do with out my cell phone?!" I contemplated driving to go get it....wasting an 1/5 of a tank of gas, and sitting in Southern California Pre Memorial Day traffic for 30 minutes and 12 miles just so I could have my texting back....not to say that my phone even RINGS half the time!

I plopped down in front of my other computer...and tried to forget the onslaught of calls and text messages I would be receiving while my phone was dead...I realize that I have more fungi than I thought....what on earth would I do with out my computer? I shudder. Such an utter tragedy should never even be thought about. I would surely DIE with out my  computer! Or what about the TV? Or my iPod..... or for argument sake I would even  say may car... out of all of them I would say my car would be the worst...I've been with out a car and it is not fun.... I mean you get by, take the bus what ever you have to do but man it's do not realize how much you rely on these sort of things in a day to day basis.

We had a wonderful, almost fungus free day yesterday....couple hours at the gym...where come to think of it, I used more modern machines, and then I DROVE down to the harbor, we had a yummy lunch, and then took a walk in the sunshine, and counted crabs perched on the concrete by the guard rails, waiting for the tide to bring them their next snack (think the crabs at the end of Finding Nemo...hey heyyyy heyyyyy!) then we went to the park and played in the sunshine some more....and this whole time I didn't have a working phone. And much to my shock I was not dead this morning when I woke up and STILL have no phone to use.  I for one think it's about time I stop relying on my modern conveniences so much.

I really don't think it would be detrimental to my survival if I just left my cell phone at home for the day, or maybe even turned it off for a little while or listened to music on *gasp* the radio rather than on my computer or ipod, and that's WITHOUT Spongebob's laugh in the background infiltrating our  brains.  I wonder why my life feels so complicated. And that's because I complicate it.... whatever happened to going HOME to use your phone... must people be able to get a hold of me RIGHT NOW? Or vice versa? What ever happened to reading a book or a magazine instead of rotting our brains with TMZ and Dr. phil.  I remember as a kid, popping a TAPE into my radio and literally waiting there for as long as it took with my finger in the "record" button to catch my favorite N'sync song. Now all I have to do is turn on my computer, tap "enter" on my key board and the song is on my computer and at my disposal.

I've come to an awareness that these modern day "conveniences" might not always be so convenient! Maybe, just maybe my life would be a little more simple if I just stopped worrying so much about my phone or my computer. Or even my car... write letters more instead of emailing....leaving my phone at home while I'm at work or turning it off while I'm spending time with my boy. Taking a power walk in the sun, and using resistance bands afterwards, instead of going to the gym and using machines. Maybe these little modern day conveniences are just such a part of my little comfort zone that I didn't realize how UNcomfortable they really are?  I'm challenging each person who read this to turn your cell phone off for a while... I guarantee you won't miss it as much as you thought...anything important enough will be brought to your attention in an other way and I promise; the world will not stop spinning.

What are some fungi in your life???

Friday, May 28, 2010

It's Finally Friday!

Ahhhhh....Friday....I love and Friday are likethis. George Jones says does a good Friday song....

**Warning: Do not click if you don't like twang...I personally love twang and this song is awesome**

This is a particularly cool Friday because I get to inform you all that I was given the 'Trendy Blogger' award by my bloggy buddy Punk Rock Momma... Thank you so so so very much!!

So now naturally I have to pass this award on to some other wonderful bloggers

The award goes to:

All of these bloggers are more than deserving of any award, I think as a bloggy friend with your best interests in mind, I'm going to strongly suggest you go read up and enjoy!!

Oh and smile! It's the weekend!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Super Human Mommy Powers

I don't know if you, reader, were aware but, us mommies have super human powers...that's right...I'm SUPER human. When you become a mom all kinds of cool things suddenly, from the moment you find out you're preggers, gain all sorts of special powers. A few of them being:

1. Enhanced sense of smell.... believe me, you definitely get to experience this one when you're pregnant....I could sniff out a wet towel from a pile of clothes like no bodies business...and then comes post preggo enhanced get to test out your new smell abilities plenty...your nose is graced with a plethora scents as you go along...poop, puke, formula. Pees and carrots never smelled the same after getting a whiff of Gerber's culinary expertise.

2. Super sonic hearing... I can hear my son breathing wrong from 3 rooms away. My ears perk up when my son so much as squeaks from across a play ground. I plan on putting this into a little more use when Trevor is a I know why my mom always knew when I snuck out.

3. Basket ball player aim...I can shoot 3 pointers into a plastic bucket with Hot Wheels cars all day....I just pump 'em right out...oh, and I have a fantastic arch. Makes for a fun clean-up. Shaq aint got nothin' on me!

4. Quick like a bunny in a forest fiyah reflexes...I got hit in the side of the head with a flying golf ball before I had really honed in on this special I catch all kinds of air bound objects with ease.

5. Muscles.... I have the arms of a line backer...stick a kid on my hip and I can use my "man" muscles for hours. These come especially in handy when you have a passed out completely limp 40 pounds to lug tote out of the car.

6. Amazing healing powers....dude. I can kiss the pain right out of a boo boo...and my hugs stop tears almost automatically. Booyah.

7. Eagle eyes..... despite the fact that I am blinder than a bat with out my glasses, I would still be able to spot my kiddo almost right a crowd....all wearing the same color.... its like I have a built in radar screen.

8. Anti gag mechanism.... I can do all sorts of things with out getting grossed out... I changed diapers from some of the nastiest contents you could possibly imagine with out even gagging... puke? NOTHIN. Snot smeared on my shoulder. Not even a flinch. Seriously. I. am. immune.

9. Speeeeeeed.... I can do a multitude of things PDQ. Whip up breakfast in 10 mins flat.  Change a diaper in under a minute. Get a squirmy toddler dressed and ready in lightening speed. Did you see that??!! That was me zooming by with a juice box and a PB and J sandwich ready for consumption in 10 seconds.

10. Miraculous multitasking.... please excuse me...I'm getting dressed, feeding my child, putting on my makeup, doing laundry, fixing a boo boo, giving kisses (and hugs) working, playing cars and picking up toys all at the same time... I'll be able to talk as soon as I free up my mouth.

       These are just a few. I'm sure there are others, but you know....I don't want to give away any mommy secrets.

If you're a mommy, what super human powers to YOU have?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

On a lighter note....Getting to know you Sunday

The past couple weeks my post have been so serious, and so sad. My heart has been hurting pretty badly. But now that I've vented its time to start working on a little bit happier. I'm gunna try and turn my frown upside down! And I'm starting with Getting to know YOU.

1. Do you have a fetish?

I'm not suuuure...... I love lip gloss. I have TONS of gloss. Like enough to last me the rest of my life...

2. Do you sing in the shower? Although I used to....but I have room mates now... I'm pretty sure they'd be asking me to sing
solo...."solo" they can't hear me!

3. Who was your first crush?
Yikes.... I don't even remember...I've had so many lol I was known for being a little boy crazy when I was younger... ok I think it has to be Tommy Gibson.... my mom's bestfriend's son... we are practically the same age and used to be play mates, and that's about as far back as I can remember.

4. What do you think is the best manly trait a guy could have?
Rugged hands....and or shoulders

5. Do you sleep naked?
I have, but not anymore...I gots a 3 year old in the bed with me now so yeah.... I don't do nekkid well anyways..

6. What do you do when (you think) no one is looking?
 pick wedgies or fix my tah tahs

7. What's the first thing you do when you go online?
Stalk my Facebook friends, and then my blog is close after

8. Summer is.....?
BBQ, watermelon, sleeping with the windows open, tank tops and swimming pools and too hot LOL

Ok...I'll admit it...I'm smiling.... mostly because I admitted I pick my butt on my blog....but its guys get the good bad AND the ugly :)  Today will be a good day... it's Sunday, I have church to uplift me today and tomorrow is the start of a new week!.. Today I'll be praying for god to give me some PERSPECTIVE and a happy heart! I hope you all have a superfantastical day!!!!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Metaphorical bullets

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."
                                -Robert Frost


It's hard to believe I haven't posted since Tuesday.  It seems like I'm being thrown lesson after lesson recently, those kind of lessons that leave you stumped and literally dumbfounded as to what you should think or do.  It's to the point where the only thing I can think of that would take anything away is sleep. And even then, sleep is weird when you have too much on your mind. I toss and turn, and have strange intensely real dreams, and wake up randomly with crap on my mind.  I honestly thought, I knew who I was. I thought for sure. But its turning out that I haven't even started figuring out who I truly am.

Every experience I go through, I'm changing. Growing and Learning (hopefully) more about what makes me tick. Each decision I make (some painfully) leads me down a different path.  Each path I go down (might) lead me to something better or to something that will change my life again. I've been through so much in the past three years. And some of the memories are seared into my heart forever... some experiences you just never forget. They were experiences that took everything you THOUGHT you knew and just blew you out of the water. Life has a way of doing that to me... just when I think I got my S*** figured out I get thrown a curve ball.

 No one gives you a manual, explaining how to "do" life. You just hold on and try to enjoy the ride. No one warns you the some of the decisions you make will be horribly painful, Like taking a metaphorical bullet. And that the only way to get over the pain is to just FEEL it. No one posts a memo letting you know you will feel lost, lonely, scared, confused etc. etc.
No one makes a public service announcement that you will drive yourself nuts wondering if you're doing the right things for yourself and other parties closely involved, like the little 3 year old life I hold in my hands. No one waves a yellow flag in your face to let you know that you will be "rode hard and put a way wet". That LIFE is the scariest and most beautiful and intense things you can experience.

I've gone through my life feeling my way along. Feeling every loss, every change, every memory. I've always just been "in touch" with my emotions. And I've always connected myself to other people in the same way. I feel emotion without people even knowing I can. I've been told by family that as a child I used to just love someone from the minute I'd meet them. And you could just feel that love. I haven't changed. I am so emotionally involved with the things in my life. I put my heart into everything. Every choice I make I put myself into it. And the tricky thing is now I have another human being to make choices for, one of the people who has taught me the most about myself in such a short amount of time. The little life that I do EVERYTHING for now.

Right now I just hold on to hope and try to be as strong as possible. I can never to fighting. Never stop hoping and praying that I'm making the right decisions. And along with hoping, praying and fighting I will live. Live the gift I've been given. Because after all is said and done, life is pretty awesome... trials, tribulations, metaphorical bullets and all.  Despite life being insane, I am so thankful that I have it. I have a healthy child. I have a roof over my head. I have food. I have the smile of my son to brighten my day, and giggles to keep it that way.  I wake up everyday and I am happy for that day, even if I don't know it right away. I have family and friends. I have a job. I have a car. I have family. And even while "taking bullets" I'm SO lucky to even have a life to be taking bullets (metaphorically of course) in.

Listen to the song, it says it all!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Fly by posting....

Literally because I'm practically jumping on and off the computer...I just got my boy home from school a lil while ago, and I have the impending drop off at his dads house looming over me like the beetle last week. I really have a hard time dropping him off, especially when he's telling me he wants to stay with me...It breaks my wittle heart. I don't have much time to post because I'm squeezing every minute I can out of my last few hours with my boy... I WILL do my very bestest to get back tomorrow to give you all some love :) But I wanted to share pictures I took of Trev's second day of school, there are only a couple, mainly because they don't allow cameras in the actual class rooms and because I cant get him to sit still long enough. Ms. Miriam tells me that Trev does wonderfully... I'm sooooo proud of my boy! And he really seems to like it alot! And he's making buddies!

Saying "school!"

In case it wasn't obvious, it's a "birdie mask"

His very first "report Card"

I hope you are all having a really great day, and if I can't get back tomorrow, a really great week!!!!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Monkey minute

It's a smidgen late to be posting Monkey Minute, but I just gotsta! You can see my original Monday post, 'I grew Balls' ' .Here.
Have you ever peed in the shower/bath/pool?

Yes to 1, 2 AND 3. Did I REALLY just admit that publicly?
On my PUBLIC blog?? yikes.

What is your biggest pet peeve?

Rude people. Amongst many others.

What's the story behind your blog title?

The three words I say the most as a mom...
No. Don't. AND Stop. :)

What is your definition of success?

I dont know that I have one. I think success is living your life to the fullest.
I would say my life would be successful, if I had the people I loved in it, and I enjoyed it.

If you were famous, what would you want to be famous for?
Helping someone. Or inventing something that will make a difference for the good
of people.

Link up people.



Sunday, May 16, 2010

I grew the balls

**Like I said in my FF post, I was going to have to grow balls to do this post today... Just to warn my readers, this is a really long post. Constructive comments are definitely welcome. This is basically just a story and when I re read it I was thinking it felt a little choppy, for lack of better words? And I kind of feel like a sounded a little crazy,  But it's really helped me to write it all out**

I don't quite know how to begin talking about what's happened. Mostly because I'm so used to NOT talking about it. I've conditioned myself to push these matters away into that little spot in my brain reserved for things that hurt to much to think or talk about. It's been a few days since my last conversation with my dad. The conversation(s) went just about as bad as they could have gone. Like I've said in a previous post  I've been trying to patch up the lack of relationship between my father and which has proven to be a challenge, but it was much better than before.

My dad never fully quit drinking, and 95% of the time I talk to him he's drinking or drunk. My father sober and my father drunk  are like night and day. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. There are two different drunk dads- the emotional one and the angry one. So it's pretty much a crap shoot. I can handle the emotional drunk and I prefer sober, but I cannot handle angry drunk. Angry drunk is the mean spirited, scary, aggressive and irrational. "Angry" is what haunts my innermost thoughts fears and emotions. "Angry" is not my real father, but he was the father I wound up with most of the time.

It's next to impossible for me to have a civil conversation with "Angry" because my defenses are up the second I gauge what kind of drunk he is. The first conversation didn't work. Not at all. I called back the next evening, thinking maybe we could start over. And because I had to, mainly because there's been news about his health with each phone call. My father was diagnosed with Colon cancer  early this year (I think) , and is creeping up on stage three. In the last few months, his health has been what was bringing us together. I was the person he was talking to about everything. And I was happy to be there for him. I felt connected to my dad in a way that was something I wasn't used to experiencing. And when it came time for me to confide in him I gave it a chance, and talked to him about some problems my boyfriend and I had been having, and at the time of that conversation things weren't looking to good.  Well lets just say the secret didn't stay with him, despite him saying I could trust him. Things between my boyfriend and I have since been fixed and everything is great.

The first phone call he discovered I was indeed still with my boyfriend. That did not go over well. And the main issue is my boyfriend's face/religion. He is Lebanese and Muslim. I am American and  Christian. It's proven to be a touchy subject for some so far. However, my boyfriend regardless of which race or creed is amazing. He's one of the most awesome people I've ever had the pleasure of having in my life. And has been there for me in ways that not many have. "Angry" was not a good side of my dad to be talking to about this. Needless to say it ended badly, and completely ruined my night. And I was even more pissed because of how upset I was and that I LET it ruin my night. I should know better.

Skip to the next day. The whole incident was heavy on my mind the whole day. I was thinking and hoping/dreading; Hoping he wouldn't be drunk, and dreading that he probably was. But I had to try and make things better. I literally started my phone call with " I was calling to see if maybe we could start over". And I immediately regretted it. I knew right away he had been drinking. I should have just waited until the next morning. At first we talked about his cancer, he explained he was seeing a new doctor, and had a different procedure planned and things looked much more optimistic. far so good. Wait maybe not. The subject of my boyfriend came up. I explained to him again what I had tried to explain the night before, making sure to leave nothing out. I should know better by now to think that details mattered when "angry" was beginning to show.  At the end of my speech, I stepped off of my soapbox and said, "Dad, I know you worry about me, and you have every right to, you're my dad, and I understand, but I'm 26, I'm smart and I'm a strong woman". I spent even more time defending my self and my boyfriend, trying to explain my boyfriend and "his kind". I was incredibly offended. I am not and never will be one to generalize a single person into a "kind".

I have learned so much about the Lebanese and Muslim culture, and I am lucky to have had the opportunity to learn part of what makes our world so awesome. The world we ALL occupy.  I digress. Conversation goes on and completely goes to shit. All hope of salvaging the conversation at this point  was decimated.  The subject had been changed and the one we were on came to a head and the words out of his mouth caused me to end the conversation immediately. I practically hung up. Well I said "bye" but not much more than that...Oh and "I cant talk to you anymore".

"Sarah If you're so f***in' strong then why did you need to borrow money, If you're so strong then why don't you have two jobs, If you're so strong then why do you struggle..." I stopped him there.  I was crushed.  "ANGRY" should not be saying anything about being strong ( strong man would never have abandoned his family in the way that he did.) But it was his disease right? His Alcoholism?  I felt torn down, like all the times he told me I was doing a great job, and that I was going to be ok, if I ever needed anything let him know. Maybe that was the alcohol talking too. 

The voicemail I got after I pseudo hung up on him, said "I didn't give a f*** about him, and not to EVER call him again. NOT EVER" Pretty clear to me. But it was the alcohol talking right? I wasn't real dad, it was "angry". I do not know how many times in my 26 years that I have said that it wasn't him. I was the alcohol talking. Well you know what? I'd officially like to say "F*** you alcohol!" In the spirit of facing my demons and making changes, I'm going to promise to myself that alcohol is no longer an excuse I am accepting. I have learned through this that the reason why his words still cut me like a knife, is because I love him, and all I've so desperately wanted my whole life was a relationship with my FATHER. Not the alcohol. My DADDY. Not "angry". And until alcohol is no longer in the picture, a real, ans significant, trusting relationship with my father will be impossible. I cannot let him too far into my heart, and this has been one of the toughest revelations of all.

And then comes the I am giving up on him or something. I mean, is it true that in order for someone to be helped they have to WANT to help themselves? He has so many opportunities. All with his whole family backing him. My mom for over 20 years. Hand fulls of wake up calls, many runs through AA, some more successful than others. And the alcohol years later and with cancer still has its grips on him. It's the only thing he knows. 

I don't know if I'm going to call my dad. As of right now the answer is no, not yet. Definitely not yet. At first it was not EVER. Even though deep down in my heart I should and will eventually. I would not be able to live with myself knowing that if something happened to him I didn't try to talk to him. This is something that has and will be on my mind for a while...or until I grow the balls to call him... When he's sober, and try talking to him then... I'm going to have to learn how to talk to him when he's sober. Problem is my dad doesn't even know how to talk about these issues sober. 

But I can still try right?

Saturday, May 15, 2010


So not only did I win that give away I was talking about in my FF post, but Drama Mama over at The Scoop on Poop bequeathed upon me an award! Seriously made my day, god love 'er! If you've never been over to her blog, I think it would be in your better interest to stop by...or stay...but don't be all know, but be a fan or something. It's worth your time...and c'mon, she's got the word "poop" in the name of her blog...doesn't get much better than that! Oh, and she's very funny...and versatile seeing as how she passed the "Versatile Blogger" award on to me. Thanks friend! I appreciate it alot!!!

So following the rules of the award, I've thanked the awesome human being who graced me with this award, and now, I am to give you guys 7 tidbits you might not know about me.

Uno: I love Vampire literature, more specifically The Sookie Stackhouse series orrr Mary Janice Davidson's 'Undead' series. Twilight...... yup. That's right. I'm a TwiMom.

Dos: I was a huge baby. 9 Lbs. 8 ounces... my mom was hurtin'.

Tres: I'm petrified of jumping grass hoppers, crickets etc. Who am I fooling...I'm petrified of all critters of the insect or arachnid variety.

Cuatro: I have Green eyes

Cinco: I LOVE pickles.

Seis: I've eaten tongue before...and it does NOT taste like chicken.

Siete: I love popscicle stick jokes.  Like this one: What does a pig use on his cuts?***

Ocho: My favorite movie of ALL TIME is 'Hook' with Robin Williams

Nueve: I can speak a pretty good amount of spanish, 3 years in Highschool, I worked at a mexican food resturant for 3 years and my son is half Hispanic, so I've had my fair share of training I suppose

Diez: Tejava iced tea rocks my socks off!

And now for the part where I get to make 15 other people smile!

The award goes to (in no particular order):

You should totally go show some love, these ladies and one gent really are awesome!

Thanks again Drama Mama!!!



Mommy's Idea
Long week.  That's just about all I can really say to sum it all up. It's been 4 days since I've posted anything, I have busy spurts every week, normally I might have posted something, or tried to mid-week, yesterday would have been a perfect day to do that and I will explain what happened in one of my Fragments.... By the way you gotsta to stop my Mrs. 4444's place, for her Fragments post, she's the queen of FF you know!

****I'm going to have to re-evaluate my stance on how things are going with my father and I...I want to write about it so badly, but I feel like I might not have my thoughts together on the whole thing yet. It's been an emotionally exhausting past couple days, There were not one but TWO situations that forced me to face my demons, and they both involved my father directly...the out come was not good, especially with alcohol involved (not on my part). I'm just so not ok with this anymore...really it's gotten to the point where I almost can't deal. More to come Saturday or Sunday....whenever I grow the balls to post about it.

****Yesterday I slept. I got home from work and I took time for myself. I needed it. So badly. I'm the kind of person who doesn't mind being alone, in fact I like it. Sometimes I want to go pee with out a 3 year old bursting on on me, or roll around in bed without toddler arm in my face, time to take MY time, lollygag, not be in 20 different places at the same time, have have to talk, or think about anything. And like I said, I slept, got home from work, laid down around 6 and started nodding off watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy, I knocked out somewhere around 7 pm, woke up briefly and went to back to bed with the same pounding headache I started my sleep with. When I sleep like that it's when I'm just done. Done with everything...I'm emotionally exhausted and I'm checking out. Come back later, thanks. It was much needed.

****So we've had quite the crazy week at work. Not only are things crazy because we've made some big changes lately but also we've had a wayward whale hanging out in the harbor about 1/8 of a mile down the canal from where I work. The poor lil BIG thing had been straggling behind the migrating pod due to being tangled up in fishing nets and ropes....Whales migrate right past Dana Point every year, and we don't see many past April,  when they get further into cooler waters. Long story short, it was a media circus, and there were literally crowds of people trying to catch a glimpse of her. Sadly to say she didn't make it and was found beached today.  

**** I'm excited to say my boy starts Pre School on Monday... Originally I had planned on enrolling him a little closer to 4, but I was faced with needing to work more and this came at just the right time for the both of us. I think he's ready, and he really needs something to focus his attention on, and have an environment where he can be the cute little sponge he is. I will no doubtedly cry, like ALOT, dropping him off for the first time...this is school, I mean Pre school granted, but it still has the word SCHOOL in it....ahhhhh!!! Make his growing up stop....please, for the love of all that is holy.

****I WON SOMETHING!!! Holy crap I won something!! I checked my emails from my phone at work, and I got an email I almost deleted because I thought it was another one of those "You've won!" emails, you know the ones....But this was  REAL one...I entered a give away over at Our Fine House, and I won. I was so excited it's ridiculous! Here's the official post saying I'm da weener :) Thanks Jen and Joe!

That's all folks, I hope you've all had a super fantastic week!