Friday, April 30, 2010

Late night Friday Fragments

Mommy's Idea
I haven't fragmented in what seems like forever, this Friday seemed like a Fragment day...especially since I've practically neglected my blog for almost a week, I've been trying to keep up with the reading, but the writing part was lacking for me...brain flatuance, mostly....Yup. I said it...brain farts. I have 'em all the time, BF's are a pretty regular thing for me these days! You'll get used to it.  So with out any further rambling, I'm joining Mrs. 4444 over at Half Past Kissin' Time for Friday Fragments!

**** Went and saw 'The Losers' with my honey last night, it wasn't the greatest movie ever, but it wasn't horrible... The Rolling Stone have it 2 1/2 stars...and I gotta say I agree. But all and all the movie was pretty funny for the most part, a little cheesy in some parts, alot of bang bang shoot 'em up mixed with comedy type thing...and the company was awesome too!
Before the movie <3

****I've been working on my pa-pa-pa-poker boyfriend taught me how to play Texas Hold 'em, and I love it. We definitely don't play for money, for obvious reasons. Just chips. I was pretty proud of myself the other night because I was the only girl playing and I cleaned them out... not the whole time but enough to make me happy.

This:Gave me-----> This:YAY!

****I now have an acute obsession with Yogurt Land...this place totally trumps Golden Spoon any day. Red Velvet Cake frozen yogurt with White Chocolate chips is just something that cannot be beat...I'm practically drooling right now thinking about it. Delicious.       

Where have you been all my life!?

****I'm so excited I get some time off and time to spend with my boy in the next couple days... I miss him so freakin' much when he's away, his cute little "I missed you Mommy!" makes my day life.

Just because its cute.

****Is it weird that I move my bead in a different direction and I sleep differently now because of it? According to Feng Shui you should never face your bed towards your door, which was the way I had it BEFORE, I rotated it the other diection....I like it better aesthetically, but from a functionality point of view its a bit of a pain, going to take some getting used to.

**** Can I please tell you how utterly thrilled I am there is a new Sookie Stackhouse novel coming out May 10th!!!!!!
I have been following this series for quite some time now, and have read the books all more than once. The HBO series 'True Blood' is based on this book series....and the books are WAYYY better than the shows, even if the shows are effin' fantastic.
They're like a drug

That's all folks, I hope we all had a awesome Friday, and have an awesome weekend ahead!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger...

I got a wild hair up my you know what, the other night and completely rearranged my room....I the process I went through a couple boxes that I haven't been through in a long long was one of those boxes that has all of you "blast from the past" stuff in from high school, memories, trinkets etc. While I was digging/tripping out I found this:

My two friends and I who you will see in the picture in the center (from L to R: Myself, Allison, Carly)  started this note book in high school, our Sophomore year....2000! 10 years ago. TEN. We would write notes to each other, keep it for 2 days, and then pas it along to the next girl out of the 3 of us, who would then do the same. This notebook, is a written reminder of who I was then. I was 16 years old. With no worries other than boys, sneaking out, school, and why I for the life of me could NOT understand "Moles and Atoms" in chem class. I'll quote myself....

" you understand all this Mole & and Atom crap in chem? It's not hard but I'm SO sick of Dimensional Analysis and Sig Figs! Chemistry is the most horrible class I have EVER taken!"
Wonder if the WAHmbulance came and got me after that? Because if I knew the trials and tribulations I would be going through 10years later... man.... If I only knew.... I would have not worried so much about Mike, Tyler, or JJ.  because they were guys I would not even remember 10 years from then....I would have listened more  in my Intermediate Composition class with Ms. Elliot even if she was weird and listened to strange music during class.  I would have known that me not going to Winter Formal was NOT the end of the world... I would have saved the money to go visit my best friend Nik when he moved to Australia..... But really....All of these things happened for a reason...they shaped who I am today.   Even though I don't think "hot boxing" my friends car on the way to go shopping was a bright idea. Or getting trashed off of Vodka. OR peeing off the side of a bridge......

One of the letters broke my heart...I was trying to be so tough... I might write more about this later, but my father was an alcoholic, bad... I remember starting to stand up to him, starting to defend myself....being 16 and thinking it was time to put a stop to this...I know now that it did not work, and I would still go through years of hurt with my mom and little sister, due to my father's alcoholism... in this case a boy called me, and my dad, drunk, couldn't remember who it was...

"ugh! I hate my dad! I seriously came so close to punching him in nose last night! He's such a jerk! And it's kind of funny because when he's been drinking and he goes off on me, I just yell back in his face, and if he tells me to go to my room or something, I flat out say "no" right to his face! It's really hard to not start laughing at him because he gets even more pissed when he realizes he has no control over me when he's been drinking, and his face turns red and he has this vein that pops out of the side of his neck! it's really funny!"
None of that was funny. It was terrifying... I know now that I was trying to make the situation funny because I was trying to cover up the hurt. I know now that when I'm upset, scared or uncomfortable, the "funny" thing is a mask. I wish I could go back to me 16 year old self and give myself a hug. "Stop being so angry" I would tell myself.

 "Your father has to WANT to change, and he won't remember ANY of what he's putting you through, so be strong, take care of your sister and mom, and know that even if you won't get much closure, you'll HAVE to forgive him for this later" I would tell myself.  It breaks my heart to read that because I know now, how much the pain from that would change much it would shape me and how I react to men in particular, and how much pain I was really going through then and how much I wanted someone to just understand, and how much I wanted to just be 16. 

This notebook, is like a capsule of who I was, am and who I was to become... I didn't know then how my choices would affect my future, how stupid and petty some of then things I was doing were...BUT as stupid and petty as they were, they shaped and molded me into ME.  Each choice I made, each hit of pot I smoked....each hot boxed car....each shot of vodka...each bridge peed over, each time I stood up to my father...each boy who broke my heart.

The last entry in the notebook was written by myself in hot pink sparkly gel pen, in my very sloppy teenage scrawl, with a magazine clipping of Mark Mcgrath pasted to the page... I talk about the Red Door, which was my church youth group back then.... here's the quote:

    "Carly, when is that Red Door thing happening? We're not going to Magic Mountain tomorrow, obviously, because its raining, so I'm going to go w/ the church to play broom ball. That is SO much fun!! I LOVE Red Door outreaches"
If I could go back to that day, I'd lean in and whisper to my 16 year old self that I was making a GREAT choice...."Don't let go of god" I would tell my self. Even though I know now, that I would let go of god....I would lose grip on my Christianity for years to come after that. And then find him again later.... but little did I know, the Red Door outreaches that were to come would plant the seed. The seed that would stay there waiting to grow for a long time.

But it was there, and stayed there the whole time, for me to find again later... it happens to be one of the best choices I made ...... Back in the days when I was my 16 year old self.

Monday, April 26, 2010

My favorite things Monday: randomized


For some reason the little spot in my brain where I ponder my blog posts has been completely blank....we're talking crickets y'all.  Just nothin'. I could not wait to get to Monday because at least I knew I would have something for you's guys. Sometimes I just need a little hiatus I guess!   This weeks My favorite things I going to be random, just a mish mash of some of my favorite things in no particular category....

Numero Uno:   Rain

Rain Pictures, Images and Photos
I am one of those people who thinks ugly weather is sometimes
more beautiful than sunny weather.... there's something about rain...
the sound, the way it feels, and don't even get me started on the smell.

Numero dos: The ocean

I've lived with the ocean not more than 15 minutes away my whole life,
and with a father who practically has salt water in his veins, I've grown to
love and appreciate all that the ocean is. 

Numero tres: Disneyland

disney castle Pictures, Images and Photos
The amount of excitement I feel even just saying the words Disney Land is
almost enough to make me squeel. I transform into a 4 year old the second
I step for into D land......I LOOOVE it.  At the entrance there is a sign that says
"Here you leave today, and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy"
So true.... *sigh*

Numero cuatro: Coffee

The picture above says enough :)

Numero cinco: Office Supplies

I will stand and drool over pens, post-its, markers etc. Even if I have
no reason to buy them.... Its the little things in life like a cute wire paper
clip holder with a magnet in the rim.....

Numero seis: Babies laughing

you get a video for this's one of my faves, along with this one and also this one.
There might be something seriously wrong with you, if you arent at least smiling at this point.

Numero siete: Fire places

I could sit and roast by a fire place on a cold, rainy winter day
for hours, I love the cracking sound of wood as it burns...there's
nothing like it! Especially if its at my gram's house!

Numero ocho: Kisses!

I don't think this one needs much description...we all know why I love kisses so much!

Numero nueve: Christmas

Christmas for me is a time for traditions, family, and magic....the magic of Chrismas
is like none other! And as for traditions, 'A christmas Story' is one of mine!

Numero dies: Rainbow Sandles

These are the exact sandles that I practically live in...if you do not own
a pair of Rainbows I strongly suggest you do... They are worth the 45 bucks
and you will have them for YEARS....the longer you own them the
more they form to YOUR foot, and the softer and more comfy the leather gets!
People wear them untill the look like this:
And even then you're sad to throw them out because that means
you have to start over!

You should totally link up...I'd love to see your list!


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Monkeyin' around

This post is going to be all pictures of my fantastically adorable son at the park, and I might sneak in a couple extras! We had so much fun, and he wore him self out, it was awesome! Nothing better than a tired 3 year old, cause then all he wants to do after is cuddle :)

King of the castle
THE most adorable picture EVAH

Trying to escape the grips of the "mamarazzi"

SUCCESS! I get a kiss!

Well hello!

Doing exactly what he looks like he's doing...

Enjoying the ride

"Imma monstah in a cave mom! Rawr!"

He had to look down....


Looks like he's practicinghis modeling skills

And these are totally unrelated!

I had been talking to Michelle over at Mommy Loves Stillettos about
Wheat grass...I actually took a picture for you Michelle, so you could
see what I was talking about, unless of course you already knew what it looked
like, in that case Nm lol

Here it is juiced

ANNNND last but certainly not least, the AMAZINGLY cheap black and pick Converse high tops
that I am in love with!

FIFTEEN DOLLARS @ TJ Maxx!!!! Yeah boy!

Monday, April 19, 2010

God bless me with MORE patience

I'm downright frustrated. The past three days with Trevor have just been so hard. He's been angry, and I think I know why, I do know how ever know how to deal with it. Trevor's father and I somewhat share custody. He's at his father's house Tuesday night from about 7 until Friday when I pick him up around 6 so you could say he's with his father about 3 days a week. Up until October of last year my ex and I still lived together. This is a long story, we broke up mid year in 2008... and continued to live together up until September 2009....this was NOT an agreeable situation...reguardless of whether I was truely happy or not, I would not have made the choice to spilt, He "fell out of love" and not more than a couple months later was with a girl he worked with. I, and I should say Trevor as well, went through the entire getting over process with the situation at hand right in my face.

We stayed living together because I was not able to be out on my own...I was financially dependent on him, and the apartment we shared was the only thing I really only safety zone for my self and my son. Until we got evicted right after Christmas. And that's how I wound up where I live now. My room mate was my ex's friend and I was accquainted with him through my ex. After being evicted my ex learned my roomate had a couple extra rooms. He took one I took the other, Trevor slept in my room. We continued to live together until September, when he moved out and got married to the same girl he left me for. We will not get into the emotional havoc that was wreaked on me through all of this, we'd be here all night. That part is locked away deep in my vault to never be gone through again. I learned SO much through all of this and we'll leave it at that. However, I was not the only one going through all of this, Trevor was also, but one thing he always had was my ex and I in the same house, even if we weren't together. He loves his father so much, and the back and forth  has had an affect on him.

The past couple weeks I've noticed Trevor being just downright defiant... he doesn't want to listen, he'll flat out tell me "No" when I ask him to do something, and the temper tantrums are back. Now I asked myself what was different in his environment...things here are the same...things with the ex not so much, wifey is preggo and he's taken up a night job. So if the ex is at work during the day, and at work at night that leaves Trevor with wifey all day, and not seeing his father much.  I first noticed there was really something wrong when Trevor told me " I don't love her, she's not my mommy" don't get me wrong, I actually LIKED that he said this...BUT, the big BUT....I don't want the environment there to be unhealthy or for him to not want to be there. And as hard as it is for me to say this, I WANT Trevor to love her. 

Now on to the tantrums... these aren't just any tantrums...these are screaming bloody murder, scratching, and hitting. And in public. On my side of the story its downright embarassing...I get looks from people like "Jeeze lady, control your kid" And in all actuality I'm TRYING, not to control him, but calm him down. Three HORRIBLE tantrums in three days...I'm exhausted, and me getting as angry as I do when he's just as angry does not help....and it for sure does NOT help the situation for us both to be crying...because that's what I do... I cry right along with him... I reach a  breaking point, not only from feeling embarassed, but BECAUSE I feel embarassed.  And  because I have no idea what to do,  or how to fix it.  I blame myself. WHAT AM *I* DOING WRONG?! (he's NOT like that all day everyday)

My first approach is the negative and positive reward system...which I enforced yesterday by taking away his favorite toys and not giving them back until this morning. Only to have them taken away again. When he was behaving he got a popscicle, as a reward.  And now I cross my fingers. And pray that I can get through to him, and hope that in having a conversation with my ex, and maybe wifey, that they'll be able to help me. Because I feel like maybe he's getting what ever he wants there...I've always been the disciplinarian, and I always will's much easier to give into him when he's throwing a fit, than it is to stand your ground. Which is exactly why I think I've been emotionally drained as well. I'm standing my ground.

I'm going to end this with something a man told me on Sunday as we were leaving church. Trevor didn't want to leave Sunday school.... god must have really spoken to him that day because he was screaming the whole way out. And just as I managed to get him buckled into his booster with out him ripping out one of my eyeballs, I stood up outside the door and he let out one last ear peircing scream....parents, you know the one....and I just let my head fall back, took a deep breath and fought back tears. The owner of the car next to me opened his car door, and before he sat down, said:
"God bless you for the patience you have"

And I definitely thank god for that patience...even though I feel like I lack.

My favorite things


This week's installment of My Favorite things is going to be about Music, more specifically my Favorite songs...with the amounts of diffferent music I like, there is NO WAY I could make a list of my all time favorites...I'm thinking Favorite songs with have to be a repeated list. Music to me is like a sound track to my life....I'm always singing SOMETHING and songs always transport me back to a specific time and place as if i were actually there... Each song name has a link to You Tube so you can rock out with me, or skip if you chose to!

1. Benny and the Jets- Elton John: Oh god I love this song, you will catch me singing this song on a daily basis, and faghettaboutit if the song comes on the radio or're gunna get embarassed because I WILL be singing and dancing and making funny faces while I'm doing it. There is a reason why it's the song you are probably listening to as I'm typing this seeing as how its the first on my play list!

2. Cover of the Rolling Stone- Dr. Hook: This song not only cracks me up but it totally makes me want to dance around... I was introduced to this song by my more of a hippie than I friend, Jenna...and I will never listen to it aand not think of every single time it was on while we were driving and making fools of ourselves clapping and dancing around. I call her "My freaky old lady" because of this song!

3. Forever Loving Jah- Bob Marley: We will not get started on my love for Bob Marley, we'll never get to the end of it, I love this song because when you watch the video you can see and hear the heart he's putting into it....I am instantly mellow every time.

4. Teach your Children Well- Crosby, Stills and Nash: I remember my dad listening to this song when I was just a little girl... I have my father to thank for all my musical tastes, I grew up listening to classic rock suck as this, music is just not the same today!

5. Couldn't love you more- Sade: Sade can sing a love song like no bodie's business, hers are songs that with other put me in relax mode, her voice is beautiful....I couldnt love this song more if  I tried!

6. Come Monday-Jimmy Buffett: I'm a Parrot head are you? Again, I have a flash back to 1990 my dad drink in hand, drunk of course, and blasting this song while he was cooking dinner...any Jimmy song immediately takes me back to my childhood...sometimes the memories are good sometimes their horrible...but even still these sorts of songs are literally part of who I am.

7. Simple Man- Lynard Skynard: My list just would not be the same with out some Skynard... I used to sing this song to Trevor when he was a lil guy... I want him to be a simple kind of man...and to take his time and not live too fast!

8. Peaceful easy feeling- The eagles: I got a peacful easy feeling listening to this song, and I do everything time... This is one of my best relaxation songs,  it takes me to another place. (you have to watch the video, you'll appreciate it if you're an eagles fan!)

9. My kind of Lover- Billy Squire: Oh god...steering wheel pounder, practically screaming while Im singing, stereo blasting when this song comes on!

10. I'm on Fire- Bruce Springsteen: This song is haunting, and gives me goosebumps...another one of those songs, where I can just close my eyes and be in another place.

I hope you all enjoy these, like I said in one of my desciptions, these songs are very much a PART of who I am, literally from being a small child to now. I love and adore music, especially the songs I listed, and there WILL definitely have to be another My favorite things Muic edition!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Love you forever

"But at night time, when that *three year old was quiet, she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of his bed; and if he was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:"
                                           I'll love you forever,
                                           I'll like you for always,
                                          As long as I'm living
                                           My baby you'll be. "

This picture inspired me to write this post...last night right after taking this, I picked up my 40 pound 3 year old, and just held him while he slept...and of course I stared, how could I not?? This crazy child of mine....this crazy child who I say No, don't or stop to at least 20 times in a day...this crazy child of mine who tried to flush the wrapper to a Spongebob GoGurt down the toilet... this crazy child of mine who while we were in the bathroom at the gym, unfortunately noticed that auntie flow had come in to town, and said "EWWW what is that!?" stumped as to what I was supposed to say, I tell him "It's just a "girl" thing baby".  As we are leaving, he stops at the front desk and  screamed said to 3 employees "My mommy has a girl problem in her undahweahs"  Needless to say I could not get out of there faster. This crazy child of mine, is so amazingly peacful when he sleeps. When he's dreaming of Lightening McQueen, fruit snacks and Hot Wheels.            

The quote at the top is from a children's book called 'Love you forever'  by Robert Munch...I can remember being read this book when I was a little girl just in elementary school,  and even at that age choking back tears, I was an emotional one folks. But really, this book is amazing. For those of you who don't know, its the story of a mother's love. It starts out mother with a brand new baby, and as the baby grows, the book goes through different stages of him growing and wreaking havoc on the house and his mom's nerves. Every night, his mother sneaks into his room, picks up her son, and sings to him:
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be
The story progresses, and the boy is now a man living on his own, she gets a ladder, sneaks into his apartment, and sings to him... the story continues, he gets married and has kid of his own, still she breaks into his house at night, and rocks her giant son in his sleep. At some point his mom is calling to say goodnight, because she's too old to come sneak in, the man drives to his moms house, rocks her in her sleep and sings the same song.

 I can't get through it with out crying. And last night I felt the same way. This crazy little child ANGEL of mine....who even if he's driving me nuts, can still melt my heart with just a smile,  who will always make me laugh when he runs away from me giggling even though I'm asking him to stop, who will always be a baby even though I'm getting arms like a line backer cause he's so heavy and growing so fast, this sweet little BABY who showers me with kisses every day, and tells me "I love you mommy, you're my he-woah (hero)"

He's MY hero!! 

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I feel so warm and fuzzy!

I'm taking the time to thank a couple wonderful ladies for blog awards I recieved, one of which I am very, very, veryveryvery long past thanking in a post, I feel like a total turd for not doing this sooner! So I will start with the extremely belated thank you to Michelle over @Mommy Loves Silettos for the Beautiful Blogger award...Michelle is really awesome, she's totally funny, and her blog is one of my most stalked read, It would behoove you to stop by and check her out! (teehee I love that word!)

According to the rules I have to  list 7 things you's guys don't know about me so
here we go:

1. I drink wheat grass almost's literally grass, like juicing your lawn...not the exact
kind of grass...just go here and read :)

         2. Ketchup goes on almost everything...maybe not EVERYTHING, but on alot. Grilled chicken
is a perfect example.

         3. I say the word "dude" WAY too much. It can be used as an exclamation, adjective, seriously,
jokingly, everywhich way.

    4.  I am a True Blood junky. Come June, I will be GLUED to the boob toob on Thursday nights,
           with the antcipation of a 5 year old on Christmas morning. I've read the book series the show is
        based on a good 6 times, and have seen the first 2 seasons over and over....I may or may not
        need an intervention of some sort some time soon. If you don't watch you should, or read the
     Sookie Stackhouse series. The first book is a little slow, but I can promise you'll be hooked!

5. My first ever job was at a coffee shop, and ever since then it's been true love. Me and coffee
are likethis, coffee is the first thing I do in the morning...I set a timer, and my coffee is ready for
me in the morning its a glorious thing.

6. I am extremely accident prone...if there's a flat surface somewhere I'll trip on it.

7. I heart Disney Land. I walk into D Land and I am like a little kid. The the very mention in
a conversation with my boyfriend of making a trip to D Land, sne tme into a giggle attack.

Now, on to the 7 bloggers I'm passing this award on to:

Alexis @Depressions and Confessions- Not only is she funny but she's REAL, and honest,
two of my favorite qualities in a blogger

Colette @Jamerican Spice- Colette and I go way back, she's an amazing woman, and she loves
to dance! She's got an swesome blog, and you should check it out!

Leanne @My home and my hips are both double wide- She's SO sweet and funny, and I love
reading her blog because its so positive...makes me smile!

Ericka @Alabaster Cow- This blog is like a good book, which makes sense because she's a writer.
it's always a good time at Ericka's and the name of her blog is awesome, and she's got a cute baby
under a couch on her header, its the best!

   Drama Mama @The Scoop on poop- She tells an awesome story, and has some great guest bloggers...
one of my newer discoveries that I'm glad to have discovered.  She's also super funny, love her!

Chelle @It's a Hooah Life-this girl is tough...she just finished a long road trip with 4 kids and a couple
              animals I think, in a moving truck, ALL BY HERSELF. Some of the stories she told, oh my... she's a supah star!

               Beth @Just me and my life- Beth cracks me up, she's totally sassy and I love her rants and raves. Not only that
but she's got a little goof ball in her just like me!

                              I recieved  the happy 101 award from Lucy @ Lucille in the sky, would you look at the name
 of her blog? Its the same as one of my fave songs EVER! Lucy is great, and she's one of my favorite new dicovories, thanks so much Lucy!!!!
Here are the rules of the award:

1. copy and paste the award on your blog.

2. list who gave the award to you and use a link to her/his blog (or hyperlink).

3. list 10 things that make you happy.

4. pass the award on to other bloggers and visit their blog to let them know about the award.

10 things that make me happy

1. My son and everything about him

2. I hot cuppa Joe...maybe with a couple of shots of espresso in it

3. Working out. Especially when I see results!

4. My boyfriend ALWAYS puts a smile on my face

5. Frozen yogurt

6. Rainy days, but only if I can get a big comgy blanket
and a good movie or book to go with it!

7. Beautiful sunny days, but only if there's a cool breeze
and a tank top involved.

8. Trader Joe's...I love that place and all of their food.

            9. A GREAT classic rock song, such as Ramble On by Led Zepplin 

10. Make up stores like Mac or Sephora...I'm like a kid in a candy
shop, especially when it comes to eyeshadows!

And now for the bloggers I am passing this award on to... Every one of these bloggers
just simply makes me happy, no need for any other description besides the fact
that I smile when I read! These are my absolute faves!

Debbie @ Suburb Sanity

Sarah @ Lady Mama

Well that's if folks, my little award ceremony is coming to a close, I hope you'll check these girls out, they are all
very very deserving of an award!! Love you guys!! And thank you for making me happy!!!